Friday, April 29, 2005
blog of eeeviiil english genius...
...almost.
Surely I'm more evil than that! That's rather disappointing. However, I am more evil than Stan, from whom I snagged the Gematriculator. Cool.
However, there is no doubt as to my English Genius status. Behold:
CAROL'S NOTE: I've edited the look of the English results because the formatting of the gender/age comparision bars looked way too fucked up on this blog. Oh well.
Surely I'm more evil than that! That's rather disappointing. However, I am more evil than Stan, from whom I snagged the Gematriculator. Cool.
However, there is no doubt as to my English Genius status. Behold:
| English Genius You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 80% Expert! |
| You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/. |
| Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid |
CAROL'S NOTE: I've edited the look of the English results because the formatting of the gender/age comparision bars looked way too fucked up on this blog. Oh well.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
evidence of a geek...
Y'all may be stunned to discover that I harbor geek-like tendencies. A shock, I know, especially considering how very cutting-edge hip I happen to be.
For instance, this whole 80s fashion resurgence? Already did it long before today's teeny boppers. Like, twenty years ago. It is so played out. I know, I'm retro before it becomes retro.
(Stop snickering. I can totally hear you.)
Anywho. Because I don't want any of y'all to think I'm so beyond the edge of the cutting that I leave you in the forward fashionable dust, allow me to present evidence of my geekish ways.
People's Exhibit A: On Monday ValleyGirlRep and I took a little field trip to Staples for file cabinet shopping. We found one, ordered it and set it for delivery. And, lo and behold, it arrived today and I found it to be a thing of beauty. Because my desk space has been a mess for far too long and now, hopefully, I can organize. Whee!
People's Exhibit B: Whilst at Staples we saw a label maker and decided it would be a good addition to the showroom. So we bought it. Today, after the file cabinet arrived, I busted the label maker out of its packaging and started playing with it. And thought, "Wow, this thing is fancy. And cool!" Why? (Yes, because I'm a geek. But that's not the only reason.) Because it prints with fun little frames shaped like candy wrappers and wooden planks and a pointing finger and...
Uh, never mind.
People's Exhibit C: A few weeks ago Boychik called me up. "Carol, what are you doing April 29th?"
"Taking myself to see opening night of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Why?"
"Well, JPL is having company night at Magic Mountain and I was wondering if you wanted to come. But if you have other plans..."
"Let's see. Go to see Hitchhiker's, which I can see any time over the following weeks, or hang out with a bunch of JPL science nerds at Magic Mountain. Hmmm, I think I'll go with the nerds!"
So yeah, I'm doing that tomorrow night, which I'm sure will be tons of fun. Because even though I don't limit myself to being attracted only to the unique charms of nerds, y'all know how much I like them. Who knows? There may even be some cute single ones.
Yeah. I'm a geek. A horny geek, perhaps, but still a geek...
For instance, this whole 80s fashion resurgence? Already did it long before today's teeny boppers. Like, twenty years ago. It is so played out. I know, I'm retro before it becomes retro.
(Stop snickering. I can totally hear you.)
Anywho. Because I don't want any of y'all to think I'm so beyond the edge of the cutting that I leave you in the forward fashionable dust, allow me to present evidence of my geekish ways.
People's Exhibit A: On Monday ValleyGirlRep and I took a little field trip to Staples for file cabinet shopping. We found one, ordered it and set it for delivery. And, lo and behold, it arrived today and I found it to be a thing of beauty. Because my desk space has been a mess for far too long and now, hopefully, I can organize. Whee!
People's Exhibit B: Whilst at Staples we saw a label maker and decided it would be a good addition to the showroom. So we bought it. Today, after the file cabinet arrived, I busted the label maker out of its packaging and started playing with it. And thought, "Wow, this thing is fancy. And cool!" Why? (Yes, because I'm a geek. But that's not the only reason.) Because it prints with fun little frames shaped like candy wrappers and wooden planks and a pointing finger and...
Uh, never mind.
People's Exhibit C: A few weeks ago Boychik called me up. "Carol, what are you doing April 29th?"
"Taking myself to see opening night of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Why?"
"Well, JPL is having company night at Magic Mountain and I was wondering if you wanted to come. But if you have other plans..."
"Let's see. Go to see Hitchhiker's, which I can see any time over the following weeks, or hang out with a bunch of JPL science nerds at Magic Mountain. Hmmm, I think I'll go with the nerds!"
So yeah, I'm doing that tomorrow night, which I'm sure will be tons of fun. Because even though I don't limit myself to being attracted only to the unique charms of nerds, y'all know how much I like them. Who knows? There may even be some cute single ones.
Yeah. I'm a geek. A horny geek, perhaps, but still a geek...
will you still quiz me tomorrow...
Your Taste in Music: |
| 80's Alternative: High Influence |
| 90's Alternative: High Influence |
| Progressive Rock: High Influence |
| 80's Pop: Medium Influence |
| Adult Alternative: Medium Influence |
| 90's Pop: Low Influence |
| 90's R&B: Low Influence |
| Classic Rock: Low Influence |
| Dance: Low Influence |
| R&B: Low Influence |
| Ska: Low Influence |
American Cities That Best Fit You: |
65% Boston |
60% New York City |
55% Philadelphia | >
55% San Francisco |
55% Washington, DC |
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
not so freeing...
I think that old adage is true. You know, the one that says sometimes traits you dislike in others are ones that you recognize in yourself. Because that certainly seems to be the case for me.
I'll sorta come clean here. I have a single male friend whom I find rather attractive. Someone besides CuteNerdBoy. We established very early in our relatively recent acquaintanceship that there is a mutual attraction, that we really like each other as people and have enjoyed getting to know one another, but for various reasons I'll not go into we've decided it's best not to pursue anything more than friendship, either casually or romantically. And that's fine. It really is for the best. I have a feeling that, without meaning to, he could break my poor lil’ heart all too easily if I allow myself to go down that road again. Frankly, I don’t think I’m up to that sort of pain.
(I sense eyerolling out there. I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I hope.)
Thing is, that doesn't stop me from thinking he's a damn fine looking man and that when we hang out – which is relatively frequently - he should pay most of his attention to me. Because I'm all about the ego, baby. Mind you, I try to keep that ego in check, but it's a damn big one, I tell ya.
Recently I got the chance to observe him around a lot of people, including some very attractive women, and a light switch flipped on, illuminating something I'd long suspected.
He likes women.
Okay, that wasn't a revelation. I had that one figured out a long time ago. When I say he likes women, I don't mean in a sleazy way. He has dear friends of both genders and doesn't seem to have more female than male friends, or vice versa.
But a person can tell that he just really enjoys being in the company of women, especially attractive dark-haired women. He has a way of talking to them, smiling at them, perhaps leaning in a little close to them with a flirtatious look in his eyes, that I haven’t seen him do with the men of our acquaintance. I can also tell that it’s more subconscious than conscious. And I admit I feel a flare of jealousy because, I’m ashamed to say, I can be a bit on the jealous side, even when I have nothing resembling a claim on a guy. Truth is, I tend to be more jealous when I’m not in a relationship than when I am in one. Probably because I’ve always been secure in my relationships.
So. Anyway. There I am, mingling amongst a large group of people, chatting with this person or that person, occasionally scanning the crowd to see where AttractiveFriend is, and I observe his interactions with these attractive dark-haired ladies. And I get a little jealous. And I talk to other people again.
Then it hits me. Most of the people I’m chatting with? Are men. Perhaps even men most women would find good-looking. And how am I interacting with said men, even if only innocently? In the same fashion that AttractiveFriend interacts with women, though perhaps in a more feminine manner. I smile, I flirt, I tuck my hair behind my ear or toss it back dramatically. I look at the men straight in the eye, then glance up at them from underneath my eyelashes. I’m both brutally direct and disarmingly coy.
I am the female equivalent of AttractiveFriend. And I realize - it's not just that he likes women. But that he likes women the way that I like men.
Whoa.
So many things fall into place. Sure, I’m a little boy-crazy these days, but even if I weren’t I would still adore the existence of men in general. It doesn’t mean that I want to date or sleep with every man I meet. It doesn't mean I would be anything other than monogamous were I to be in relationship, because I am inherently a monogamous creature. I just love being around men (well, most men). And he feels the same way about women.
One would think that such a revelation would cause a girl to sit back on her heels and say, “Fine, I get it, it’s all okay now.” Make her feel free about her friendship. Unfortunately that’s not always the case. Because now that I recognize that about him, I’m more keenly aware of my own tendencies and I wonder if that can be as confusing to other men as observing AttractiveFriend had, until recently, been to me.
Besides, that doesn’t change my gut reaction of, “Hey, Big Ego here! Pay attention to Me! MeMeMe!" Even when he is paying attention to me and seeking me out in a crowd repeatedly.
I never said I was logical…
I'll sorta come clean here. I have a single male friend whom I find rather attractive. Someone besides CuteNerdBoy. We established very early in our relatively recent acquaintanceship that there is a mutual attraction, that we really like each other as people and have enjoyed getting to know one another, but for various reasons I'll not go into we've decided it's best not to pursue anything more than friendship, either casually or romantically. And that's fine. It really is for the best. I have a feeling that, without meaning to, he could break my poor lil’ heart all too easily if I allow myself to go down that road again. Frankly, I don’t think I’m up to that sort of pain.
(I sense eyerolling out there. I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I hope.)
Thing is, that doesn't stop me from thinking he's a damn fine looking man and that when we hang out – which is relatively frequently - he should pay most of his attention to me. Because I'm all about the ego, baby. Mind you, I try to keep that ego in check, but it's a damn big one, I tell ya.
Recently I got the chance to observe him around a lot of people, including some very attractive women, and a light switch flipped on, illuminating something I'd long suspected.
He likes women.
Okay, that wasn't a revelation. I had that one figured out a long time ago. When I say he likes women, I don't mean in a sleazy way. He has dear friends of both genders and doesn't seem to have more female than male friends, or vice versa.
But a person can tell that he just really enjoys being in the company of women, especially attractive dark-haired women. He has a way of talking to them, smiling at them, perhaps leaning in a little close to them with a flirtatious look in his eyes, that I haven’t seen him do with the men of our acquaintance. I can also tell that it’s more subconscious than conscious. And I admit I feel a flare of jealousy because, I’m ashamed to say, I can be a bit on the jealous side, even when I have nothing resembling a claim on a guy. Truth is, I tend to be more jealous when I’m not in a relationship than when I am in one. Probably because I’ve always been secure in my relationships.
So. Anyway. There I am, mingling amongst a large group of people, chatting with this person or that person, occasionally scanning the crowd to see where AttractiveFriend is, and I observe his interactions with these attractive dark-haired ladies. And I get a little jealous. And I talk to other people again.
Then it hits me. Most of the people I’m chatting with? Are men. Perhaps even men most women would find good-looking. And how am I interacting with said men, even if only innocently? In the same fashion that AttractiveFriend interacts with women, though perhaps in a more feminine manner. I smile, I flirt, I tuck my hair behind my ear or toss it back dramatically. I look at the men straight in the eye, then glance up at them from underneath my eyelashes. I’m both brutally direct and disarmingly coy.
I am the female equivalent of AttractiveFriend. And I realize - it's not just that he likes women. But that he likes women the way that I like men.
Whoa.
So many things fall into place. Sure, I’m a little boy-crazy these days, but even if I weren’t I would still adore the existence of men in general. It doesn’t mean that I want to date or sleep with every man I meet. It doesn't mean I would be anything other than monogamous were I to be in relationship, because I am inherently a monogamous creature. I just love being around men (well, most men). And he feels the same way about women.
One would think that such a revelation would cause a girl to sit back on her heels and say, “Fine, I get it, it’s all okay now.” Make her feel free about her friendship. Unfortunately that’s not always the case. Because now that I recognize that about him, I’m more keenly aware of my own tendencies and I wonder if that can be as confusing to other men as observing AttractiveFriend had, until recently, been to me.
Besides, that doesn’t change my gut reaction of, “Hey, Big Ego here! Pay attention to Me! MeMeMe!" Even when he is paying attention to me and seeking me out in a crowd repeatedly.
I never said I was logical…
birthday notes...
Just a few notes on the birthday itself:
* Here I sit, still at work (I'll be leaving soon) and I gaze upon the gorgeous floral bouquet given to me by my reps. It is huge and stunning and every time I look at it or smell its fragrant essence I have to smile. It makes me very, very happy.
* The birthday itself was very low-key and, in truth, started out a bit on the down side for me. Perhaps because I was still experiencing a bit of pain from the day before due to dozing off and on in a car for a number of hours after crashing at the unfamiliar apartment of Brian the night before. Sleeping in an unfamiliar place is always difficult for me, which means I was a tossin'-'n'-turnin' girl. And yes, my weekend sex bout with the Gentleman of Undisclosed Identity may have contributed to the pain. I tend to forget that I'm neither as young or as flexible as I think I am. At least not until the following day.
* Still, despite the slightly low feeling with which I started the day, the actual birthday turned out to be a wonderful one. Nothing spectacular happened, but there was such a lovely flow of well-wishes from so many directions that my mood was gradually lifted until, by the time my writing class was over in the evening, I was practically floating. Not that my classmates knew of my birthday. Even I'm not so egocentric to walk into class proclaiming the day of my birth. But - as I seem to be hopelessly boy-crazy for the time being (I'm making up for my teen years, in which, though I liked boys, I was never this nutty over them) - chatting with an attractive, intelligent classmate during the break about religious fanatics made me smile all the more. And I received an unexpected Happy Birthday phone call in the morning from a relatively new gentleman friend of mine, which was very sweet of him (just friends, nothing more, though he's dreadfully handsome in his rugged way). Not to mention my incredibly fabulous friends and family and you, my dear readers.
* Apparently I have people picking up strange men in bars for me. ValleyGirlRep called me up on her day off to tell me about a man she and her husband met in a bar they like to frequent. Apparently the moment she saw this fellow she thought of me and, as she and her hubby got to know him, she was even more convinced that we should meet. So she told him about me, which he seemed to like, and got his information to give to me. Which she did. I've decided, oh, what the hell, so I've e-mailed him. We'll see what, if anything, comes of it. But it's nice to know people are looking to set me up!
* My high of Monday was somewhat tempered by yesterday, as I woke up with a horrific headache and ended up sleeping the day away. Desperately needed, perhaps, but certainly not the way to start a day.
* I'm planning a belated birthday party for myself in a little over a week and it promises to be an interesting one. I've invited all sorts of folks: some dear and old friends; some people who aren't necessarily amongst my oldest or closest friends, but whom I know are such fascinating and terrific people that I felt compelled to invite them (I'm sure some of them are thinking, "Huh? Okay."). I love to mix up the different parts of my life at these sorts of things, to see how people I know from disparate areas mingle and get to know one another. It's fun and exciting and - thus far - has never ended badly.
Yep, the birthday wheels are still a-turnin'. Just as it should be...
* Here I sit, still at work (I'll be leaving soon) and I gaze upon the gorgeous floral bouquet given to me by my reps. It is huge and stunning and every time I look at it or smell its fragrant essence I have to smile. It makes me very, very happy.
* The birthday itself was very low-key and, in truth, started out a bit on the down side for me. Perhaps because I was still experiencing a bit of pain from the day before due to dozing off and on in a car for a number of hours after crashing at the unfamiliar apartment of Brian the night before. Sleeping in an unfamiliar place is always difficult for me, which means I was a tossin'-'n'-turnin' girl. And yes, my weekend sex bout with the Gentleman of Undisclosed Identity may have contributed to the pain. I tend to forget that I'm neither as young or as flexible as I think I am. At least not until the following day.
* Still, despite the slightly low feeling with which I started the day, the actual birthday turned out to be a wonderful one. Nothing spectacular happened, but there was such a lovely flow of well-wishes from so many directions that my mood was gradually lifted until, by the time my writing class was over in the evening, I was practically floating. Not that my classmates knew of my birthday. Even I'm not so egocentric to walk into class proclaiming the day of my birth. But - as I seem to be hopelessly boy-crazy for the time being (I'm making up for my teen years, in which, though I liked boys, I was never this nutty over them) - chatting with an attractive, intelligent classmate during the break about religious fanatics made me smile all the more. And I received an unexpected Happy Birthday phone call in the morning from a relatively new gentleman friend of mine, which was very sweet of him (just friends, nothing more, though he's dreadfully handsome in his rugged way). Not to mention my incredibly fabulous friends and family and you, my dear readers.
* Apparently I have people picking up strange men in bars for me. ValleyGirlRep called me up on her day off to tell me about a man she and her husband met in a bar they like to frequent. Apparently the moment she saw this fellow she thought of me and, as she and her hubby got to know him, she was even more convinced that we should meet. So she told him about me, which he seemed to like, and got his information to give to me. Which she did. I've decided, oh, what the hell, so I've e-mailed him. We'll see what, if anything, comes of it. But it's nice to know people are looking to set me up!
* My high of Monday was somewhat tempered by yesterday, as I woke up with a horrific headache and ended up sleeping the day away. Desperately needed, perhaps, but certainly not the way to start a day.
* I'm planning a belated birthday party for myself in a little over a week and it promises to be an interesting one. I've invited all sorts of folks: some dear and old friends; some people who aren't necessarily amongst my oldest or closest friends, but whom I know are such fascinating and terrific people that I felt compelled to invite them (I'm sure some of them are thinking, "Huh? Okay."). I love to mix up the different parts of my life at these sorts of things, to see how people I know from disparate areas mingle and get to know one another. It's fun and exciting and - thus far - has never ended badly.
Yep, the birthday wheels are still a-turnin'. Just as it should be...
Monday, April 25, 2005
thank you, bay area...
Some lovely events in San Francisco and Santa Cruz this weekend, but not enough time or brain cells to go into detail just yet. Perhaps Tuesday or Wednesday night. But I wanted to check in, say, "Hi! Still alive!" and express my thanks to the following people:
* Sarriah - for being an excellent traveling companion and platonic wife. For accompanying me to and from San Francisco. For doing the actual driving. For being the terrific type of person who doesn't mind me dozing during most of the drive, even when I snore and gravely utter the cryptic words, "I will," in my sleep, aggravatingly not supplying additional sleep-talking to explain the need for those words. Even I don't remember why I said that.
* Brian - for his hospitality on Saturday. For inviting me to his friend's birthday party (turns out her birthday is actually today, as is another friend of hers - BTW, check out Mica Lee Williams- she's an excellent musician/singer/songwriter and an all-around cool chick) where I met some truly fun and interesting people. For showing me around parts of San Francisco I would normally have never seen. For living in the Haight. For letting me crash at his place Saturday night.
* Grace - for taking the word "fabu" to a whole new place with her beauty, sweetness, humor, intelligence, perception, yummy cooking and stunning hospitality. For making Sarriah and me feel at home the minute we stepped across the threshold of her fabulously rustically artistic home (seriously, love the house, especially the shower in the main bathroom) with the Best. Backyard. Forest. Ever. I will HAVE to write more about the visit a a day or so, but Grace is simply a lovely host and human. And her hubby George is pretty darned nice too!
* A Gentleman of Undisclosed Identity - for breaking my year-long no-sex draught. He reads these pages and he knows who he is. As I am a lady, I will disclose no details, but suffice to say I feared for his neighbors' sleep and his eardrums. Several times over. 'Nuff said.
*Last but by no means least: my fabulous readers - for checking in even when I'm not around and for just being all around cool people. This is turning out to be a damned cool 39th birthday and y'all have something to do with that. Thank you.
* Sarriah - for being an excellent traveling companion and platonic wife. For accompanying me to and from San Francisco. For doing the actual driving. For being the terrific type of person who doesn't mind me dozing during most of the drive, even when I snore and gravely utter the cryptic words, "I will," in my sleep, aggravatingly not supplying additional sleep-talking to explain the need for those words. Even I don't remember why I said that.
* Brian - for his hospitality on Saturday. For inviting me to his friend's birthday party (turns out her birthday is actually today, as is another friend of hers - BTW, check out Mica Lee Williams- she's an excellent musician/singer/songwriter and an all-around cool chick) where I met some truly fun and interesting people. For showing me around parts of San Francisco I would normally have never seen. For living in the Haight. For letting me crash at his place Saturday night.
* Grace - for taking the word "fabu" to a whole new place with her beauty, sweetness, humor, intelligence, perception, yummy cooking and stunning hospitality. For making Sarriah and me feel at home the minute we stepped across the threshold of her fabulously rustically artistic home (seriously, love the house, especially the shower in the main bathroom) with the Best. Backyard. Forest. Ever. I will HAVE to write more about the visit a a day or so, but Grace is simply a lovely host and human. And her hubby George is pretty darned nice too!
* A Gentleman of Undisclosed Identity - for breaking my year-long no-sex draught. He reads these pages and he knows who he is. As I am a lady, I will disclose no details, but suffice to say I feared for his neighbors' sleep and his eardrums. Several times over. 'Nuff said.
*Last but by no means least: my fabulous readers - for checking in even when I'm not around and for just being all around cool people. This is turning out to be a damned cool 39th birthday and y'all have something to do with that. Thank you.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
can't say i'm shocked...
Found in the blog of Beth:
I do take exception with four things:
1) Never, ever compare me to Meg Ryan. Just. Don't
2) The chances of me driving an SUV of any size, even a small one, are slim to none.
3) I don't think I've ever begun a sentence with the words, "Susan Sarandon says..." However, I have been known to utter, "Mike Farrell says..."
4) I was kinda hoping I'd be sexier...
All the rest? Right on the nose.
I am Progressive Girl Click on the picture below to read more:
|
I do take exception with four things:
1) Never, ever compare me to Meg Ryan. Just. Don't
2) The chances of me driving an SUV of any size, even a small one, are slim to none.
3) I don't think I've ever begun a sentence with the words, "Susan Sarandon says..." However, I have been known to utter, "Mike Farrell says..."
4) I was kinda hoping I'd be sexier...
All the rest? Right on the nose.
coming to terms...
People say that age is just a number, that you're only as old as you feel. And most of the time I agree with them, joke that sometimes I'm 75 and other times I'm 16, so maybe it all evens out anyway.
But let's face a hard fact of life: for women, it's not just a number. If they wish to have families, their time is limited. So, if a woman is fast approaching her 40s, is single and childless, and wishes to have children of her own, she has to look at the options and make some hard decisions.
What are the options? There are three, as I see them (leaving out adoption, which is a wonderful option all its own and one I've considered since my teens):
1) A woman can throw hubby/partner hunting in gear, find the husband/boyfriend/partner that she thinks will be good for her and her future children, then get working on the rest of the plan and get herself pregnant before her body decides it's time to make pregnancy difficult or just not possible.
2) A woman can just go ahead and get herself pregnant via sperm bank/one-night stand/good male friend, then choose to raise that child without the benefit/presence of partner.
3) A woman can decide that she doesn't like the pre-meditation of finding a guy to railroad into marriage/fatherhood because she's on a time-table and knows that she cannot handle raising a child alone. And so chooses to remain childless, even though there is a part of her that dies a little when she accepts that as a possible future.
Last year I came to terms with Option 3. Now, all of the above options are valid ones, even #1, which I find a little distasteful, but #1 and #2 just aren't for me. I know that. It kills me just a bit but there it is. And honestly, I'm usually okay with that.
Thing is, all of this wondering and worrying and navel-gazing may be moot. Because there's one thing I've wondered about myself for a good portion of my thirties.
I don't know if I could get pregnant, even if I tried.
Back in my late twenties I was involved with the man I call my Ex (though sometimes I've referred to him here by his initials FG). I've mentioned him before, because he's the only long-term boyfriend I've ever had. Well, when he and I were together, not surprisingly we had sex. A lot. At the time I was kind of stupid about making sure I was taking birth control. I've always hated taking pills and I've just never been very good at remembering to stay on a schedule. And once we got past the point where we were concerned about diseases, we rarely used condoms.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I told you I was kind of stupid.
I was worried a bit, because I had already proven that I was like my mother in many ways and I'd always wondered if I were as fertile as she was. After all, she had been pregnant seven times. But, if I got pregnant by Ex and we couldn't keep the baby, I knew there was always the option of giving her or him up for adoption. (Though I'm pro-choice, I know that I could never have an abortion, which I told Ex pretty much right up front.)
Never came up. Never got pregnant. Three and a half years passed, Ex left, and again I didn't have to worry about it. Because I wasn't having sex on a regular basis. Those few times I did have sex I made sure condoms and other birth control were involved, though still not pills - I have no desire to throw off the too-delicate balance of my hormones unless I'm gettin' some more than once or twice a year.
I don't know what to think about never getting pregnant by Ex. I mean, it is for the best, I'm fully aware of that. I'm not wistful for his child or anything like that. But let's say, for the sake of argument, that I end up meeting and marrying a wonderful man before menopause sets in and we decide we want to have our own biological child. What if my uterus decides it doesn't want to cooperate? There have been a few times over the years where I would have a somewhat unusual period and thought I might have possibly been pregnant, but perhaps lost the zygote within a month or so. So maybe I can't carry a baby to term. I don't know. It's a concern.
Several of my friends say that maybe it's not me. Maybe it was Ex. Or maybe it was the combination of Ex and myself that just wasn't so good with the babymaking. It is a possibility. And yes, I know I need to go in for some tests, to make sure everything is okay so I don't even have to worry about it. That's on my schedule of thindgs to do in the next month.
Still, with my forties rushing up to meet me and my irrepressible optimism refusing to let go of the possibility of still having a husband and children, it sticks in the back of my mind.
Perhaps I need to start coming to terms with biological betrayal...
But let's face a hard fact of life: for women, it's not just a number. If they wish to have families, their time is limited. So, if a woman is fast approaching her 40s, is single and childless, and wishes to have children of her own, she has to look at the options and make some hard decisions.
What are the options? There are three, as I see them (leaving out adoption, which is a wonderful option all its own and one I've considered since my teens):
1) A woman can throw hubby/partner hunting in gear, find the husband/boyfriend/partner that she thinks will be good for her and her future children, then get working on the rest of the plan and get herself pregnant before her body decides it's time to make pregnancy difficult or just not possible.
2) A woman can just go ahead and get herself pregnant via sperm bank/one-night stand/good male friend, then choose to raise that child without the benefit/presence of partner.
3) A woman can decide that she doesn't like the pre-meditation of finding a guy to railroad into marriage/fatherhood because she's on a time-table and knows that she cannot handle raising a child alone. And so chooses to remain childless, even though there is a part of her that dies a little when she accepts that as a possible future.
Last year I came to terms with Option 3. Now, all of the above options are valid ones, even #1, which I find a little distasteful, but #1 and #2 just aren't for me. I know that. It kills me just a bit but there it is. And honestly, I'm usually okay with that.
Thing is, all of this wondering and worrying and navel-gazing may be moot. Because there's one thing I've wondered about myself for a good portion of my thirties.
I don't know if I could get pregnant, even if I tried.
Back in my late twenties I was involved with the man I call my Ex (though sometimes I've referred to him here by his initials FG). I've mentioned him before, because he's the only long-term boyfriend I've ever had. Well, when he and I were together, not surprisingly we had sex. A lot. At the time I was kind of stupid about making sure I was taking birth control. I've always hated taking pills and I've just never been very good at remembering to stay on a schedule. And once we got past the point where we were concerned about diseases, we rarely used condoms.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I told you I was kind of stupid.
I was worried a bit, because I had already proven that I was like my mother in many ways and I'd always wondered if I were as fertile as she was. After all, she had been pregnant seven times. But, if I got pregnant by Ex and we couldn't keep the baby, I knew there was always the option of giving her or him up for adoption. (Though I'm pro-choice, I know that I could never have an abortion, which I told Ex pretty much right up front.)
Never came up. Never got pregnant. Three and a half years passed, Ex left, and again I didn't have to worry about it. Because I wasn't having sex on a regular basis. Those few times I did have sex I made sure condoms and other birth control were involved, though still not pills - I have no desire to throw off the too-delicate balance of my hormones unless I'm gettin' some more than once or twice a year.
I don't know what to think about never getting pregnant by Ex. I mean, it is for the best, I'm fully aware of that. I'm not wistful for his child or anything like that. But let's say, for the sake of argument, that I end up meeting and marrying a wonderful man before menopause sets in and we decide we want to have our own biological child. What if my uterus decides it doesn't want to cooperate? There have been a few times over the years where I would have a somewhat unusual period and thought I might have possibly been pregnant, but perhaps lost the zygote within a month or so. So maybe I can't carry a baby to term. I don't know. It's a concern.
Several of my friends say that maybe it's not me. Maybe it was Ex. Or maybe it was the combination of Ex and myself that just wasn't so good with the babymaking. It is a possibility. And yes, I know I need to go in for some tests, to make sure everything is okay so I don't even have to worry about it. That's on my schedule of thindgs to do in the next month.
Still, with my forties rushing up to meet me and my irrepressible optimism refusing to let go of the possibility of still having a husband and children, it sticks in the back of my mind.
Perhaps I need to start coming to terms with biological betrayal...
not such a good thing...
Saturday and Sunday mornings, as I was getting ready for the day, I listened to Superhero by the talented, twisted and cute Stephen Lynch (about whom I've previously written), as a way to get me all happy and jazzed for the exciting convention days ahead. I'm now thinking perhaps that wasn't such a good idea.
Why? Because I have been mentally singing several songs ever since, trying not to sing them aloud.
"But why not sing them aloud, Carol? Just go ahead and break into song while walking down the street! I'm sure no one will mind!"
Well, ya see, the lyrics are really not ones I'd want to be heard singing. I mean, I don't know about you, but busting out with lyrics about a naughty Catholic priest, or being caught masturbating by one's dad, well, that's not really what I want to be heard singing in public, even if I am in excellent voice this week.
Thank heavens I know a lot of Sondheim songs to temporarily chase the Lynch songs away...
Why? Because I have been mentally singing several songs ever since, trying not to sing them aloud.
"But why not sing them aloud, Carol? Just go ahead and break into song while walking down the street! I'm sure no one will mind!"
Well, ya see, the lyrics are really not ones I'd want to be heard singing. I mean, I don't know about you, but busting out with lyrics about a naughty Catholic priest, or being caught masturbating by one's dad, well, that's not really what I want to be heard singing in public, even if I am in excellent voice this week.
Thank heavens I know a lot of Sondheim songs to temporarily chase the Lynch songs away...
Monday, April 18, 2005
convention thoughts...
Once again, another weekend in which there was so much going on that trying to distill it into a brief, yet enjoyable blog entry may be beyond my abilities.
Being at the California Democratic Convention was fun and frustrating and exciting and painful. Okay, the painful part was because I was stupid enough to wear heels all day on Saturday (but damn, my legs looked good!), but all the rest was due to my peculiar state of mind. One minute I was excited and all but jumping up and down at the energy of the place and the next I just wanted to smack people for dragging things out that I don't think needed to be dragged out. Yes, I'm new to this whole thing and I realize that groups and organizations are trying to reach consensuses (consensii?) amongst thousands of people, but sometimes it feels like folks are just trying to be argumentative. And I was a little miffed at a friend of mine for various reasons that were mainly due to my own moodiness but a little because of his own actions, and that colored the weekend a bit.
Still, watching Barbara Boxer and Nancy Pelosi speak was terrific, as was seeing so many of the state's Democratic movers and shakers, and even meeting a few of them. Had I been less shy and unsure of myself, I could have even met Jerry Brown. I mean, I was only three feet away from him at a big bash thrown by Democracy for America, Valley for Democracy and SoCal Grassroots, all organizations I participate in (my Communications Committee is with SoCal Grassroots), which was pretty cool. I would have had more fun at that party, but I was in kind of a weird mood at that point and I was very tired. I mean, I still enjoyed myself, but not as much as I could have.
Another thing that was exciting? Stopping by a party thrown by Progressive Democrats of America at the recommendation of MusicianMan and running into an old friend who introduced me to her mentor, who introduced me to some folks pretty high up in PDA, to all of whom I expressed my desire to use my writing talents (most of which seem to have deserted me today) to help out. And I e-mailed one of them today to remind her of me and my offer, so I'm actually following through. Yippee! It was even worth suffering through the annoying attentions of a over-age frat boy and his younger yippy laughing hyena side-kick - I found them amusing at first, but when they just kept at the same shtick (including the much taller than me frat-boy being waaaay to obvious about looking at my cleavage - which yes, there was cleavage, but not all that much) I grew rather bored and wandered off for water to combat the effects of the wine I'd just had. But I flirted with a few other guys on Saturday, which is always fun.
Plus Friday night I ended up spending a great deal of time with a lady whom I knew from various meetings and we totally hit it off. Very cool.
And I met all sorts of fabulous people, including a rather cute and intelligent fella from Davis (near Sacramento) with whom I exchanged information, after which he exhorted me to contact him whenever I headed up to San Francisco, as he had friends in the city and wouldn't mind getting together for lunch or something. That was rather cool. Heck, even walking home from the subway station on Sunday an attractive gentleman struck up a conversation with me and we ended up exchanging phone numbers - turns out he's a progressive liberal himself. And last night Sarriah and I got together for lunch in a Burbank park and dinner at Swingers in West Hollywood and talking about boys. And sighing about boys. And wondering what the deal is with the boys in our lives. And then more talking about boys. Yeah, it was a pretty boy-centric evening.
Two pretty cool weekends right in a row. And with the San Francisco trip with Sarriah this weekend, whereupon I will meet new people (psst -- some of them may or may not even be bloggers - shhhh...) and stay with current friends and just have lots and lots of fun, it's looking like I'll be having three cool weekends in a row.
April just rocks.
Being at the California Democratic Convention was fun and frustrating and exciting and painful. Okay, the painful part was because I was stupid enough to wear heels all day on Saturday (but damn, my legs looked good!), but all the rest was due to my peculiar state of mind. One minute I was excited and all but jumping up and down at the energy of the place and the next I just wanted to smack people for dragging things out that I don't think needed to be dragged out. Yes, I'm new to this whole thing and I realize that groups and organizations are trying to reach consensuses (consensii?) amongst thousands of people, but sometimes it feels like folks are just trying to be argumentative. And I was a little miffed at a friend of mine for various reasons that were mainly due to my own moodiness but a little because of his own actions, and that colored the weekend a bit.
Still, watching Barbara Boxer and Nancy Pelosi speak was terrific, as was seeing so many of the state's Democratic movers and shakers, and even meeting a few of them. Had I been less shy and unsure of myself, I could have even met Jerry Brown. I mean, I was only three feet away from him at a big bash thrown by Democracy for America, Valley for Democracy and SoCal Grassroots, all organizations I participate in (my Communications Committee is with SoCal Grassroots), which was pretty cool. I would have had more fun at that party, but I was in kind of a weird mood at that point and I was very tired. I mean, I still enjoyed myself, but not as much as I could have.
Another thing that was exciting? Stopping by a party thrown by Progressive Democrats of America at the recommendation of MusicianMan and running into an old friend who introduced me to her mentor, who introduced me to some folks pretty high up in PDA, to all of whom I expressed my desire to use my writing talents (most of which seem to have deserted me today) to help out. And I e-mailed one of them today to remind her of me and my offer, so I'm actually following through. Yippee! It was even worth suffering through the annoying attentions of a over-age frat boy and his younger yippy laughing hyena side-kick - I found them amusing at first, but when they just kept at the same shtick (including the much taller than me frat-boy being waaaay to obvious about looking at my cleavage - which yes, there was cleavage, but not all that much) I grew rather bored and wandered off for water to combat the effects of the wine I'd just had. But I flirted with a few other guys on Saturday, which is always fun.
Plus Friday night I ended up spending a great deal of time with a lady whom I knew from various meetings and we totally hit it off. Very cool.
And I met all sorts of fabulous people, including a rather cute and intelligent fella from Davis (near Sacramento) with whom I exchanged information, after which he exhorted me to contact him whenever I headed up to San Francisco, as he had friends in the city and wouldn't mind getting together for lunch or something. That was rather cool. Heck, even walking home from the subway station on Sunday an attractive gentleman struck up a conversation with me and we ended up exchanging phone numbers - turns out he's a progressive liberal himself. And last night Sarriah and I got together for lunch in a Burbank park and dinner at Swingers in West Hollywood and talking about boys. And sighing about boys. And wondering what the deal is with the boys in our lives. And then more talking about boys. Yeah, it was a pretty boy-centric evening.
Two pretty cool weekends right in a row. And with the San Francisco trip with Sarriah this weekend, whereupon I will meet new people (psst -- some of them may or may not even be bloggers - shhhh...) and stay with current friends and just have lots and lots of fun, it's looking like I'll be having three cool weekends in a row.
April just rocks.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
aw, crap...
So. I'm like this vegetarian type chick, right? A former ethical vegan who is seriously starting to consider going back to her vegan ways. Neo-hippie crap to some, perhaps, but something that makes me feel better about myself. And we all need to do something to help us feel good about ourselves, right? As long as we're not being all selfish or mean to others, I mean.
So. In my vegan days, and well into my current vegetarian lifestyle, I find myself fond of the fruit of the soybean. Tofu, TVP, wheatmeat, seitan, soy sauce, etc., etc., etc. Chock full of protein, adaptable to sauces, very yummy when properly prepared. Just what a hopefully-no-longer-growing vegan girl needs in her diet. Naturally, since as a wanna-be-again-vegan I'll be cutting out the eggs and the dairy again, I'll be stepping up my soy product intake to replace the lost protein.
So. A couple of months ago I'm walking with MusicianMan to his car, as we're at one political meeting and he's my ride to our next political meeting, all the way on the other side of town. We're rushing because we're running late, I'm dragging my little rolling backpack behind me, and he tells me about this article that a friend of his had sent him, about how bad soy is, especially the crap that's produced in America, and how it opened his eyes, because, though not a vegetarian, he was a consumer of soy products.
I can't believe my ears, not willing to accept what he's telling me because what will I do without my precious soy? But I ask him if I could read the article, because it's something I think I need to read.
Months pass. I nudge him a couple of times. "Hey, MusicianMan, how's about that article?" Finally, this past Sunday, as he arrives to a meeting, he drops several stapled pages onto my lap. I pick it up, puzzled, and read the title. Whole Soy Story: The Dark Side of America's Favorite Health Food. I smile up at him, thanking him, and he smiles a sheepish smile back. I tuck it in my tapestry shoulder bag.
The next morning I read it on the bus. And I'm somewhat surprised at what it has to say. Yet, not so much, because I'd noticed sometime ago that my digestive tract liked to get a little rumbly and funky after eating soy. Not too bad, but a little uncomfortable. But I realize I may very well have to give up most of the soy I eat, because while I don't eat it everyday, I still eat a fair amount. Enough to go over the limits mentioned in the article.
(No, I'm not summarizing the article. There's too much to summarize. It all boils down to, "Soy - not all that good, 'mmkay?")
And since I'm considering the whole vegan thing again, I realize that I'm going to have to completely revamp the way I eat. Yet again. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, mind you. I've been eating a lot of crap lately. And I almost never cook anymore. I'm either eating out or ordering in. Not so good for either the health, waistline or pocketbook.
So. I decide it's time for me to clean my damn kitchen already (I don't cook when it's a mess and it's been a mess for too long) and to start shopping. I haven't gone shopping for anything besides cat stuff, paper goods or beauty aids since almost the beginning of time, it seems. The refrigerator and cupboard? They be almost empty. What I want to do is shop for yummy healthy stuff and allow dairy and eggs into my home, but only if I buy them from places like Whole Foods and I determine that the farms in which they were produced were not those horrible factory farms. And I will not eat egg or dairy in restaurants.
As for soy? Well, I don't know if I can cut it out totally, as a girl can eat salad and pasta in restaurants only so often, even if she loves it. But I will cut way back on it. Much like soda and alcohol, I'll rarely bring it into my home, except possibly edamame, as that hasn't been all processed. I'll just have it when I'm eating out, which I'm going to do less of anyway.
Besides, I don't know if I could ever completely give up those yummy, spicy BBQ vegan drumsticks from Newsroom Cafe. Those drumsticks and I have a long and sordid history. I earned those drumsticks...
So. In my vegan days, and well into my current vegetarian lifestyle, I find myself fond of the fruit of the soybean. Tofu, TVP, wheatmeat, seitan, soy sauce, etc., etc., etc. Chock full of protein, adaptable to sauces, very yummy when properly prepared. Just what a hopefully-no-longer-growing vegan girl needs in her diet. Naturally, since as a wanna-be-again-vegan I'll be cutting out the eggs and the dairy again, I'll be stepping up my soy product intake to replace the lost protein.
So. A couple of months ago I'm walking with MusicianMan to his car, as we're at one political meeting and he's my ride to our next political meeting, all the way on the other side of town. We're rushing because we're running late, I'm dragging my little rolling backpack behind me, and he tells me about this article that a friend of his had sent him, about how bad soy is, especially the crap that's produced in America, and how it opened his eyes, because, though not a vegetarian, he was a consumer of soy products.
I can't believe my ears, not willing to accept what he's telling me because what will I do without my precious soy? But I ask him if I could read the article, because it's something I think I need to read.
Months pass. I nudge him a couple of times. "Hey, MusicianMan, how's about that article?" Finally, this past Sunday, as he arrives to a meeting, he drops several stapled pages onto my lap. I pick it up, puzzled, and read the title. Whole Soy Story: The Dark Side of America's Favorite Health Food. I smile up at him, thanking him, and he smiles a sheepish smile back. I tuck it in my tapestry shoulder bag.
The next morning I read it on the bus. And I'm somewhat surprised at what it has to say. Yet, not so much, because I'd noticed sometime ago that my digestive tract liked to get a little rumbly and funky after eating soy. Not too bad, but a little uncomfortable. But I realize I may very well have to give up most of the soy I eat, because while I don't eat it everyday, I still eat a fair amount. Enough to go over the limits mentioned in the article.
(No, I'm not summarizing the article. There's too much to summarize. It all boils down to, "Soy - not all that good, 'mmkay?")
And since I'm considering the whole vegan thing again, I realize that I'm going to have to completely revamp the way I eat. Yet again. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, mind you. I've been eating a lot of crap lately. And I almost never cook anymore. I'm either eating out or ordering in. Not so good for either the health, waistline or pocketbook.
So. I decide it's time for me to clean my damn kitchen already (I don't cook when it's a mess and it's been a mess for too long) and to start shopping. I haven't gone shopping for anything besides cat stuff, paper goods or beauty aids since almost the beginning of time, it seems. The refrigerator and cupboard? They be almost empty. What I want to do is shop for yummy healthy stuff and allow dairy and eggs into my home, but only if I buy them from places like Whole Foods and I determine that the farms in which they were produced were not those horrible factory farms. And I will not eat egg or dairy in restaurants.
As for soy? Well, I don't know if I can cut it out totally, as a girl can eat salad and pasta in restaurants only so often, even if she loves it. But I will cut way back on it. Much like soda and alcohol, I'll rarely bring it into my home, except possibly edamame, as that hasn't been all processed. I'll just have it when I'm eating out, which I'm going to do less of anyway.
Besides, I don't know if I could ever completely give up those yummy, spicy BBQ vegan drumsticks from Newsroom Cafe. Those drumsticks and I have a long and sordid history. I earned those drumsticks...
all out of sync...
I know that today is Thursday. My calendar, my co-workers, the sales people I support - all agree that today is Thursday. Even that header up there tells me it's Thursday.
Then why do I have no idea what today is?
Having last Friday off may have had something to do with it. Getting into Vegas three hours after my original arrival time actually started with throwing me off, as I planned on having more time to just hang. Then all the traveling made it worse, then the meeting, then coming into work the day after getting back (I usually take a day off after getting home from my travels to decompress).
There was no writing class on Monday night, due to spring break, this week my writing group was moved to Wednesday instead of Tuesday so that I could attend a BookCrossing meeting on Tuesday night (no CuteNerdBoy, which was a bit disappointing, as I'm feeling stronger than I had in a long time and was actually really ready to see him again, instead of just a little bit ready, but it was still a nice night). And I've got this Friday off so that I can take care of a few things and volunteer for the California Democratic Convention, which I'll be at one way or the other all weekend, either as a volunteer or observer or attending a workshop or going to a fantastic party.
And I'm actually working on three different blog entries simultaneously, but can't seem to get the time to complete any of them, as all three require more time for thinking and writing than this lil' entry and I've been using the writing section of my brain for schoolwork and regular work and putting together notes for my friend's script (which I sent to him yesterday - I haven't heard his thoughts on them yet, but I know he's absurdly busy - I hope he understands where I was coming from with them) and... *breathe*
So it feels like Thursday, because I've been at work for four days (including today), but with writing group last night it sort of feels like Wednesday. Then again, with tomorrow off, it also feels like Friday.
Is it any wonder I'm confused?
Then why do I have no idea what today is?
Having last Friday off may have had something to do with it. Getting into Vegas three hours after my original arrival time actually started with throwing me off, as I planned on having more time to just hang. Then all the traveling made it worse, then the meeting, then coming into work the day after getting back (I usually take a day off after getting home from my travels to decompress).
There was no writing class on Monday night, due to spring break, this week my writing group was moved to Wednesday instead of Tuesday so that I could attend a BookCrossing meeting on Tuesday night (no CuteNerdBoy, which was a bit disappointing, as I'm feeling stronger than I had in a long time and was actually really ready to see him again, instead of just a little bit ready, but it was still a nice night). And I've got this Friday off so that I can take care of a few things and volunteer for the California Democratic Convention, which I'll be at one way or the other all weekend, either as a volunteer or observer or attending a workshop or going to a fantastic party.
And I'm actually working on three different blog entries simultaneously, but can't seem to get the time to complete any of them, as all three require more time for thinking and writing than this lil' entry and I've been using the writing section of my brain for schoolwork and regular work and putting together notes for my friend's script (which I sent to him yesterday - I haven't heard his thoughts on them yet, but I know he's absurdly busy - I hope he understands where I was coming from with them) and... *breathe*
So it feels like Thursday, because I've been at work for four days (including today), but with writing group last night it sort of feels like Wednesday. Then again, with tomorrow off, it also feels like Friday.
Is it any wonder I'm confused?
i love ella...
Right now I'm listening to KGDS and they're playing I Let A Song Go Out of My Heart, as sung by the incomparable Ella Fitzgerald. My G-d, how I love Ella Fitzgerald. And not just 'cause we share a birthday either. She was incredible.
Mmmm, and now they've moved on to my adored Jonatha Brooke, with one of my favorite Jonatha songs Always.
Can I just stop with the work and listen to music all day long? That would be okay, wouldn't it?
Mmmm, and now they've moved on to my adored Jonatha Brooke, with one of my favorite Jonatha songs Always.
Can I just stop with the work and listen to music all day long? That would be okay, wouldn't it?
Monday, April 11, 2005
the skewing of a world...
...at least, that's what everything looks like right now: just a little skewed.
I just received my pretty, brand-spanking new glasses in the mail from the most wonderful and fabulous BestFriend and I'm attemping to view the showroom through them. It's all pretty freaky.
Those of you who wear glasses and contacts know what I'm talking about, but for those of you lucky SOBs that have 20/20 vision, let me describe it for you. And then let me poke you in the eye.
Ever been slightly tipsy? Remember how objects on the periphery seem a little torqued? And how things right in front of you don't quite come into focus until you stop moving your head completely? That's sort of what new glasses and contacts are like.
In other words, I'm feeling slightly tipsy right now, but without the inhibition-lowering benefits of alcohol. After a few days, though, I should adjust.
As for the appearance of the glasses themselves, I'm not sure. The frames are a nice pinkish coppery color, which is very good for my coloring. I think they help my brown eyes to pop. And not in a Marty Feldman or out in space without a spacesuit sort of way.
But I feel as if the stems are too close to my face, making my not-petite visage appear even larger. I'm very picky about that sort of thing, and so it takes me forever to be happy with eyeglass frames. But SisterCompanyCounterpart thinks they look very good on me, so perhaps I'm being too particular.
*looking around the showroom* Man, I need coffee to sober up...
I just received my pretty, brand-spanking new glasses in the mail from the most wonderful and fabulous BestFriend and I'm attemping to view the showroom through them. It's all pretty freaky.
Those of you who wear glasses and contacts know what I'm talking about, but for those of you lucky SOBs that have 20/20 vision, let me describe it for you. And then let me poke you in the eye.
Ever been slightly tipsy? Remember how objects on the periphery seem a little torqued? And how things right in front of you don't quite come into focus until you stop moving your head completely? That's sort of what new glasses and contacts are like.
In other words, I'm feeling slightly tipsy right now, but without the inhibition-lowering benefits of alcohol. After a few days, though, I should adjust.
As for the appearance of the glasses themselves, I'm not sure. The frames are a nice pinkish coppery color, which is very good for my coloring. I think they help my brown eyes to pop. And not in a Marty Feldman or out in space without a spacesuit sort of way.
But I feel as if the stems are too close to my face, making my not-petite visage appear even larger. I'm very picky about that sort of thing, and so it takes me forever to be happy with eyeglass frames. But SisterCompanyCounterpart thinks they look very good on me, so perhaps I'm being too particular.
*looking around the showroom* Man, I need coffee to sober up...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
home sweet home...
I'm home and I am exhausted. So why I'm still up is beyond me. Actually it's not beyond me. I've had no internet access since Friday morning, so I'm going through my e-mail and answering a couple of the simpler ones. Oddly enough, tonight the simple e-mails are from my political groups. Go figure. But I did end up going to the Communications Committee meeting, so maybe my head is still there.
Quick weekend rundown:
1) Still not fond of Greyhound, but it's not so bad when I managed to get two seats to myself all the way to my destination and back, which made lots of napping possible both ways;
2) Paris Hotel is very nice, but in the end a standard hotel room is still a standard hotel room (though way better than a motel room - and even better when free);
3) Enjoyed my time spent with TheFirst and his family and friends (instantly hit it off in a "bait each other with jibes and insults" kind of way with one of his friends from his work and hit it off with another of his friends and her daughter);
4) However, I have had reaffirmed that Vegas is fun for me when I'm there for an occasion of some sort, but not the kind of place I'd enjoy just for the hell of it;
5) If I read one more horoscope that tells me that romance is in the air when patently there is nothing of the sort, especially when I'm all sensitive and PMSy (I've been off and on irritable all week, verbally letting rude people know, in no uncertain terms, they're being inconsiderate assholes - a sure sign I'm expecting my Monthly Visitor), I will put my foot through the offending monitor/newspaper;
6) Attending a political meeting right after getting home after being on bus/subway for 7+ hours might not be the best of ideas (thank heavens I had an hour to freshen up before heading out to the meeting);
7) Sticking around to observe two people in a heated debate when feeling more than a little sleepy is also not the best of ideas (one of the fellas was my friend MusicianMan - and my ride home);
8) Staying awake to check and answer e-mail and to post a quickie entry? Yet again, not one of the best of ideas.
Good night, one and all.
Quick weekend rundown:
1) Still not fond of Greyhound, but it's not so bad when I managed to get two seats to myself all the way to my destination and back, which made lots of napping possible both ways;
2) Paris Hotel is very nice, but in the end a standard hotel room is still a standard hotel room (though way better than a motel room - and even better when free);
3) Enjoyed my time spent with TheFirst and his family and friends (instantly hit it off in a "bait each other with jibes and insults" kind of way with one of his friends from his work and hit it off with another of his friends and her daughter);
4) However, I have had reaffirmed that Vegas is fun for me when I'm there for an occasion of some sort, but not the kind of place I'd enjoy just for the hell of it;
5) If I read one more horoscope that tells me that romance is in the air when patently there is nothing of the sort, especially when I'm all sensitive and PMSy (I've been off and on irritable all week, verbally letting rude people know, in no uncertain terms, they're being inconsiderate assholes - a sure sign I'm expecting my Monthly Visitor), I will put my foot through the offending monitor/newspaper;
6) Attending a political meeting right after getting home after being on bus/subway for 7+ hours might not be the best of ideas (thank heavens I had an hour to freshen up before heading out to the meeting);
7) Sticking around to observe two people in a heated debate when feeling more than a little sleepy is also not the best of ideas (one of the fellas was my friend MusicianMan - and my ride home);
8) Staying awake to check and answer e-mail and to post a quickie entry? Yet again, not one of the best of ideas.
Good night, one and all.
Friday, April 08, 2005
fun and light-heartedness in las vegas...
In a few short hours I'll be on my way to Vegas for the third time in my life and, like the other times, it's for an occasion that is sure to be fun: the recommitment ceremony for TheFirst and his lovely wife. Ten years those two crazy kids have been together. Exceedingly fabulous, that is.
So I'm taking the Greyhound there today, whereupon I will take two more buses to get to my hotel: the Paris Hotel and Casino. Which, through an incredible stroke of fate, I will be staying at for two nights completely free of charge. Because I mentioned going to Vegas this weekend to someone I know, whereupon she promptly whipped out her cell phone, called a friend of hers at Paris and arranged for a comp room. Yeah, I know, sometimes I'm one of the luckiest people I know.
So tonight I anticipate not doing much of anything, and tomorrow I'll probably walk around the Strip before the ceremony and reception, since I'm really not much of a gambler, then a grand ol' time with TheFirst, his family and friends, then sleep, I daresay, before waking up way too early so that I can leave Vegas at 7am.
Why so early? Because there is a Comunications meeting that evening that I'd like to try to make, if I'm not half-dead from the Greyhound trip home.
But I actually got sleep last night, if you can believe it. I got home a little after 8pm last night, puttered around the house a bit, spoke on the phone with a friend to go over a few points of his script - he actually agreed with all but one of my points. Wow! And that one he didn't agree with - well, I could see where he was going with it, and I understood his viewpoint. I still don't agree with it, but I understand it. And, when we joked around about him casting me in a small role in exchange for me getting him a three-picture deal and allowing him to direct it (BTW, I happen to like the script quite a bit), he actually said there was one smaller role I would be perfect for. Thing is, except for the age (it's a nineteen year old grad student), he's absolutely right. Though he wrote the script before we met, it is almost as if it were written specifically for me (even if the character is described as a bit of a Sixties throwback - I like to think of myself as Thoroughly Modern Carol - oh, stop snickering). Very cool.
(I may just have to see if I can find any strings that can be pulled. Hmmm...)
Anywho, I was actually in bed by 9:30 last night and asleep by 10. I was out of bed this morning by 5am and got rolling with preparations for today's trip. You know, laundry and a teeny bit of cleaning.
So y'all won't hear from me this weekend, but if you're in the mood to comment, well, consider the comments an open thread, talking about whatever crosses your mind. All I ask is that you play nice, which I know y'all can do because, well, you're just very cool people.
A marvelous weekend to one and all!
So I'm taking the Greyhound there today, whereupon I will take two more buses to get to my hotel: the Paris Hotel and Casino. Which, through an incredible stroke of fate, I will be staying at for two nights completely free of charge. Because I mentioned going to Vegas this weekend to someone I know, whereupon she promptly whipped out her cell phone, called a friend of hers at Paris and arranged for a comp room. Yeah, I know, sometimes I'm one of the luckiest people I know.
So tonight I anticipate not doing much of anything, and tomorrow I'll probably walk around the Strip before the ceremony and reception, since I'm really not much of a gambler, then a grand ol' time with TheFirst, his family and friends, then sleep, I daresay, before waking up way too early so that I can leave Vegas at 7am.
Why so early? Because there is a Comunications meeting that evening that I'd like to try to make, if I'm not half-dead from the Greyhound trip home.
But I actually got sleep last night, if you can believe it. I got home a little after 8pm last night, puttered around the house a bit, spoke on the phone with a friend to go over a few points of his script - he actually agreed with all but one of my points. Wow! And that one he didn't agree with - well, I could see where he was going with it, and I understood his viewpoint. I still don't agree with it, but I understand it. And, when we joked around about him casting me in a small role in exchange for me getting him a three-picture deal and allowing him to direct it (BTW, I happen to like the script quite a bit), he actually said there was one smaller role I would be perfect for. Thing is, except for the age (it's a nineteen year old grad student), he's absolutely right. Though he wrote the script before we met, it is almost as if it were written specifically for me (even if the character is described as a bit of a Sixties throwback - I like to think of myself as Thoroughly Modern Carol - oh, stop snickering). Very cool.
(I may just have to see if I can find any strings that can be pulled. Hmmm...)
Anywho, I was actually in bed by 9:30 last night and asleep by 10. I was out of bed this morning by 5am and got rolling with preparations for today's trip. You know, laundry and a teeny bit of cleaning.
So y'all won't hear from me this weekend, but if you're in the mood to comment, well, consider the comments an open thread, talking about whatever crosses your mind. All I ask is that you play nice, which I know y'all can do because, well, you're just very cool people.
A marvelous weekend to one and all!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
these are the memes of our lives...
Once more the talented and gorgeous GraceD has charged me with continuing the meme daisy chain. Because, in her words, "... any meme I will get she will get it too. Like a blog STD or something. Eeeuuw."
Um, thanks? I think? Well, at least I'm fabu.
Now, on to the meme!
(Wow, you would think a book meme would be easy for me, but it's actually kinda hard. Huh.)
You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book would you want to be?
I have an alarming confession to make: I've not yet read Fahrenheit 451. I know what it's generally about, as I haven't been living in a cave since birth, but when I read this question I had to figure out the answer by the context of Grace's answer. And by going over to Amazon and checking out the book description.
So, my answer: damned if I know. As is always the case, there are just too many to choose from. So I'll go with my first instinct - 1984 by George Orwell. I read it as a high school senior in 1984 and it had a tremendous impact on my way of thinking about government and the world, history and my fellow humans. When I closed the book, all I could do was sit back and stare at the wall, for my mind had just truly been blown. And then I cried like a baby. Can't ever let go of that book. Ever.
Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Oh my, yes. Though the crush is not as keen as it was in my youth, it's still there: Sherlock Holmes. I know, I know. Not exactly the "sexiest" fictional male to be crushing on, but I've always found men who think logically and critically very sexy and that can be traced back to my girl-school crushes on Sherlock Holmes and Spock. Maybe that's why I now seem to have a thing for Jewish atheist/agnostic boys. *groowwll*
The last book you bought is:
Hard to say, as I brought home an ass-load of books from Tuscon in February. So I would say the last one I actually picked up from the counter is In Memory Yet Green: The Autobiography of Isaac Asimov, 1920-1954. I'm looking forward to reading it soon.
The last book you read:
I read Boys and Girls Together by William Goldman and Fear of Flying by Erica Jong simultaneously. Both very interesting in their own ways. And I just wanted to write down a ton of quotes from Fear of Flying, which I guess means I identified with it on some level.
What are you currently reading?
Mildred Pierce by James M. Cain. Just started it today. It's part of the same haul of free books in which I got the two books above. I think I'll go through it pretty quickly.
Five books you would take on a desert island:
I do so hate to be forced to choose. *sigh*
1984. Because, well, see above.
The Princess Bride by William Goldman. I've written before about my love of this book. Hilarious and beautiful and heart-wrenching all at once.
The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. I've been a Sherlockian since I was twelve years old. I'm still a Sherlockian. I try to re-read the entire Canon every few years, to remind myself how terrific these stories and novels are and thank heavens they're all collected in one volume! Sherlock Holmes just rocks.
Catch-22 by William Heller. Another book read when I was an impressionable senior, I actually picked it up because at the time I had a crush on Art Garfunkel (oh, shut up) and I knew he had been in the movie version. I had a tough time getting into the book but once I got past the first chapter I just flew through it. Man, what an excellent book.
The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving. Another book that blew my mind and made me wonder why I'd never read John Irving before. I laughed and cried and stared at the wall when I was done, trying to absorb all of those incredible words.
(Because I can't leave it at five, two honorable mentions: America, The Book by Jon Stewart, et al. and Why Girls are Weird by Pamela Ribon. The first taught me interesting facts and made me laugh. The second had me run the gamut of emotions, and in a very good way. I'd read it three times in less than a year. Just terrific books all around.)
Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 people) and why?
Even though she's lucky enough to be in Mexico right now, and so this will have to wait until she returns, the stunning and newly-employed Beth of Diary of a SubUrban Housewife.
The most fabulous Jim from The Meat of the Matter.
He of many fantastical tattoos, Stan, keeper of Stan's Obligatory Blog
Have fun, you crazy kids!
Um, thanks? I think? Well, at least I'm fabu.
Now, on to the meme!
(Wow, you would think a book meme would be easy for me, but it's actually kinda hard. Huh.)
You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book would you want to be?
I have an alarming confession to make: I've not yet read Fahrenheit 451. I know what it's generally about, as I haven't been living in a cave since birth, but when I read this question I had to figure out the answer by the context of Grace's answer. And by going over to Amazon and checking out the book description.
So, my answer: damned if I know. As is always the case, there are just too many to choose from. So I'll go with my first instinct - 1984 by George Orwell. I read it as a high school senior in 1984 and it had a tremendous impact on my way of thinking about government and the world, history and my fellow humans. When I closed the book, all I could do was sit back and stare at the wall, for my mind had just truly been blown. And then I cried like a baby. Can't ever let go of that book. Ever.
Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Oh my, yes. Though the crush is not as keen as it was in my youth, it's still there: Sherlock Holmes. I know, I know. Not exactly the "sexiest" fictional male to be crushing on, but I've always found men who think logically and critically very sexy and that can be traced back to my girl-school crushes on Sherlock Holmes and Spock. Maybe that's why I now seem to have a thing for Jewish atheist/agnostic boys. *groowwll*
The last book you bought is:
Hard to say, as I brought home an ass-load of books from Tuscon in February. So I would say the last one I actually picked up from the counter is In Memory Yet Green: The Autobiography of Isaac Asimov, 1920-1954. I'm looking forward to reading it soon.
The last book you read:
I read Boys and Girls Together by William Goldman and Fear of Flying by Erica Jong simultaneously. Both very interesting in their own ways. And I just wanted to write down a ton of quotes from Fear of Flying, which I guess means I identified with it on some level.
What are you currently reading?
Mildred Pierce by James M. Cain. Just started it today. It's part of the same haul of free books in which I got the two books above. I think I'll go through it pretty quickly.
Five books you would take on a desert island:
I do so hate to be forced to choose. *sigh*
1984. Because, well, see above.
The Princess Bride by William Goldman. I've written before about my love of this book. Hilarious and beautiful and heart-wrenching all at once.
The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. I've been a Sherlockian since I was twelve years old. I'm still a Sherlockian. I try to re-read the entire Canon every few years, to remind myself how terrific these stories and novels are and thank heavens they're all collected in one volume! Sherlock Holmes just rocks.
Catch-22 by William Heller. Another book read when I was an impressionable senior, I actually picked it up because at the time I had a crush on Art Garfunkel (oh, shut up) and I knew he had been in the movie version. I had a tough time getting into the book but once I got past the first chapter I just flew through it. Man, what an excellent book.
The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving. Another book that blew my mind and made me wonder why I'd never read John Irving before. I laughed and cried and stared at the wall when I was done, trying to absorb all of those incredible words.
(Because I can't leave it at five, two honorable mentions: America, The Book by Jon Stewart, et al. and Why Girls are Weird by Pamela Ribon. The first taught me interesting facts and made me laugh. The second had me run the gamut of emotions, and in a very good way. I'd read it three times in less than a year. Just terrific books all around.)
Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 people) and why?
Even though she's lucky enough to be in Mexico right now, and so this will have to wait until she returns, the stunning and newly-employed Beth of Diary of a SubUrban Housewife.
The most fabulous Jim from The Meat of the Matter.
He of many fantastical tattoos, Stan, keeper of Stan's Obligatory Blog
Have fun, you crazy kids!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
they mock me...
...why, I do not know. Perhaps because I kept them hidden for so long. Not out of shame, or fear, or denial. Merely because I liked to change things up a bit, try something different. A few times a year the desire to break free of the old, to embrace the new took me over. Last year I found myself indulging in this desire, this need even more than before. And so, as an incidental consequence, they were forced into camaflouge.
But these urges took their toll, damaging that which I loved so much, and I realized that I must suppress these desires, allow my beloved to grow healthy again. And so I left well enough alone.
That was when they decided to show up. Oh, I knew they lurked. And the thought of them reappearing truly did not bother me. They were inevitable and I was pefectly fine with their presence.
Until one day I took a good long look at them, there at the top. When I saw them - really saw them - I gasped. For there were more than I remembered. And they brought plenty of friends. Indeed, they and their friends took up permanent residence, like houseguests that would never, ever leave. And suddenly I felt the weight of age slam on down on my head.
Stupid gray hairs...
But these urges took their toll, damaging that which I loved so much, and I realized that I must suppress these desires, allow my beloved to grow healthy again. And so I left well enough alone.
That was when they decided to show up. Oh, I knew they lurked. And the thought of them reappearing truly did not bother me. They were inevitable and I was pefectly fine with their presence.
Until one day I took a good long look at them, there at the top. When I saw them - really saw them - I gasped. For there were more than I remembered. And they brought plenty of friends. Indeed, they and their friends took up permanent residence, like houseguests that would never, ever leave. And suddenly I felt the weight of age slam on down on my head.
Stupid gray hairs...
Sunday, April 03, 2005
please bring back my weekend!
The weekend is very nearly over and I want it back.
Not that it was a momentous weekend, mind you. I mean, it was fun and all, but nothing earth-shattering happened.
(Except the possibility that some readers doubted my sanity after Friday's post - Doctor Bean was right, check out the date. Yeah, it was a lame April Fools deal, but it made me laugh. Especially the horrible photoshopping. And after all, as long as I can make myself laugh, do I really need to entertain anyone else?)
Friday night I hung out with ModelGirl and her family, which was very cool. We so rarely get a chance to get together these days, but we've now realized that Fridays work best for both of us. Of course, now that we've realized that fact I've also realized I don't have a free Friday until May, which is rare for me. Usually, no matter how busy I get, my Fridays tend to be open. Which is actually a little depressing because, well, date night and all, but it's also a very good rest night for me.
Saturday I traveled via MetroRail downtown to check out the CA State Budget Hearing. I had also planned to testify, what with e-mailing and signing up there and even preparing a little two minute speech, but there were too many people there ahead of me and not emough time. But I know I would have been brilliant. With luck, possibly even coherent.
I spent the rest of Saturday afternoon running errands and getting a manicure and pedicure. The pedicure was definitely needed because my toenails were turning into claws. Had they gotten any longer I would have been able to climb mountains without the need for spikes.
Then I did something I rarely do: I rented DVDs. Two, to be exact: Dawn of the Dead and The Incredibles. Obviously I had no theme night going on. But I did watch both of them, one after the other, and enjoyed both very much. The only real downside? My darling Matt Frewer had very little screen time in Dawn of the Dead. I won't lie, though I wanted to see the movie anyway, finding out Matt Frewer was in it tipped the scales in finally renting it. So to see him for maybe ten minutes tops? Made Carol a sad panda. Though, man oh man, he made the most of his ten minutes. A perfectly balanced perfomance.
Still, Dawn of the Dead was effectively creepy and wasn't quite as gory as I thought it was going to be. Sure, lots of blood was to be had (which I don't always mind), and a few moments of gross out gore (which I do mind, very much - I often take my glasses off for those moments), but I wore my glasses more often than not, which was a good thing. It did keep me on the edge of my sofa through most of the movie and I enjoyed the performances for the most part. Oh, and that Jake Weber fella? I'd never seen him before, but he is a cutie.
As for The Incredibles, what a fun movie! I love Pixar's stuff anyway and I was struck anew by how fantastic their animation is. I love how this time around the visuals were both more realistic and stylistic. Pretty tough feat. All of the characters were a great deal of fun, but I fell in love with little Edna 'E' Mode, the designer/maker of the superhero suits. Obviously modeled in part after the legendary costume designer Edith Head, she just makes me all giggly.
And then today I attended two meetings, one run by AARP in conjunction with one of my political groups, talking about the truth of the Social Security "crisis" and the other my Strategy Committee meeting. Luckily they were near each other, because there were several people who were attending both meetings. Good stuff all around. I received a ride from MusicianMan (previously known as DemDelegate - we're becoming friends and DemDelegate really doesn't describe him) between meetings. And I had two different people offer me a ride home! I ended up accepting an offer from a woman I'd seen at several of the meetings, but had never really spoken to before. But I knew she was a friend of MusicianMan and I trust him, so I was sure it would be cool. And it was. We talked quite a bit and she turned out to be a nice person. And I kept her laughing. We were following her friend for a bit and after we passed him she and I were laughing about his crazy driving when he called her cell phone. Whereupon she properly made him nervous by saying we were talking about him. And I chimed in my two cents. It's so much fun, making people nervous.
BTW, MusicianMan was the second person to offer me a ride, and he would have been the logical person, as he lives closer to me than his friend, but he had to go to the other end of the Valley first, which would meant I might not have gotten home until after 9pm. I thought it best to go straight home.
A nice weekend all told. But tomorrow... Tomorrow it's back to work I go. Oh happy happy joy joy.
Can we please bring the weekend back? That would be great, thanks...
Not that it was a momentous weekend, mind you. I mean, it was fun and all, but nothing earth-shattering happened.
(Except the possibility that some readers doubted my sanity after Friday's post - Doctor Bean was right, check out the date. Yeah, it was a lame April Fools deal, but it made me laugh. Especially the horrible photoshopping. And after all, as long as I can make myself laugh, do I really need to entertain anyone else?)
Friday night I hung out with ModelGirl and her family, which was very cool. We so rarely get a chance to get together these days, but we've now realized that Fridays work best for both of us. Of course, now that we've realized that fact I've also realized I don't have a free Friday until May, which is rare for me. Usually, no matter how busy I get, my Fridays tend to be open. Which is actually a little depressing because, well, date night and all, but it's also a very good rest night for me.
Saturday I traveled via MetroRail downtown to check out the CA State Budget Hearing. I had also planned to testify, what with e-mailing and signing up there and even preparing a little two minute speech, but there were too many people there ahead of me and not emough time. But I know I would have been brilliant. With luck, possibly even coherent.
I spent the rest of Saturday afternoon running errands and getting a manicure and pedicure. The pedicure was definitely needed because my toenails were turning into claws. Had they gotten any longer I would have been able to climb mountains without the need for spikes.
Then I did something I rarely do: I rented DVDs. Two, to be exact: Dawn of the Dead and The Incredibles. Obviously I had no theme night going on. But I did watch both of them, one after the other, and enjoyed both very much. The only real downside? My darling Matt Frewer had very little screen time in Dawn of the Dead. I won't lie, though I wanted to see the movie anyway, finding out Matt Frewer was in it tipped the scales in finally renting it. So to see him for maybe ten minutes tops? Made Carol a sad panda. Though, man oh man, he made the most of his ten minutes. A perfectly balanced perfomance.
Still, Dawn of the Dead was effectively creepy and wasn't quite as gory as I thought it was going to be. Sure, lots of blood was to be had (which I don't always mind), and a few moments of gross out gore (which I do mind, very much - I often take my glasses off for those moments), but I wore my glasses more often than not, which was a good thing. It did keep me on the edge of my sofa through most of the movie and I enjoyed the performances for the most part. Oh, and that Jake Weber fella? I'd never seen him before, but he is a cutie.
As for The Incredibles, what a fun movie! I love Pixar's stuff anyway and I was struck anew by how fantastic their animation is. I love how this time around the visuals were both more realistic and stylistic. Pretty tough feat. All of the characters were a great deal of fun, but I fell in love with little Edna 'E' Mode, the designer/maker of the superhero suits. Obviously modeled in part after the legendary costume designer Edith Head, she just makes me all giggly.
And then today I attended two meetings, one run by AARP in conjunction with one of my political groups, talking about the truth of the Social Security "crisis" and the other my Strategy Committee meeting. Luckily they were near each other, because there were several people who were attending both meetings. Good stuff all around. I received a ride from MusicianMan (previously known as DemDelegate - we're becoming friends and DemDelegate really doesn't describe him) between meetings. And I had two different people offer me a ride home! I ended up accepting an offer from a woman I'd seen at several of the meetings, but had never really spoken to before. But I knew she was a friend of MusicianMan and I trust him, so I was sure it would be cool. And it was. We talked quite a bit and she turned out to be a nice person. And I kept her laughing. We were following her friend for a bit and after we passed him she and I were laughing about his crazy driving when he called her cell phone. Whereupon she properly made him nervous by saying we were talking about him. And I chimed in my two cents. It's so much fun, making people nervous.
BTW, MusicianMan was the second person to offer me a ride, and he would have been the logical person, as he lives closer to me than his friend, but he had to go to the other end of the Valley first, which would meant I might not have gotten home until after 9pm. I thought it best to go straight home.
A nice weekend all told. But tomorrow... Tomorrow it's back to work I go. Oh happy happy joy joy.
Can we please bring the weekend back? That would be great, thanks...
Friday, April 01, 2005
the truth will out...
Your humble blogmistress hasn't been entirely honest with y'all. I'm deeply sorry.
Registered!
This is my blogchalk:
United States, California, Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley, English, Carol, Female, 36-40.
