Wednesday, January 31, 2007

i've gone and done it again... 

...I've lost my ever-lovin' mind.

I know that comes as no surprise to anyone - except the surprise that my mind ever came back for me to lose it again - but, well, I'm throwing myself in over my head again.

"And what is it this time, Carol?" you may ask, slowly backing away with furrowed brow.

I've signed up for the the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.

Oh, stop with the eye-rolling.

It's not until September, so I have eight months to train and raise money. And, unlike my try at the APLA Half-Marathon, I have a larger circle of people from whom to beg money, plus I am making sure I have the right shoes. I certainly learned my lesson, after injuring both ankles during my half-marathon training. In addition, this will be walking, not running or jogging, which will be much better for my poor, beleagured joints.

Organized training will start in February, but I think it's time to start my own training. Because while I love to walk, 39+ miles over the course of two days are still a lot.

If y'all are moved to contribute RIGHT NOW, then I can accomodate you: go to my fundraising page and click on the "Click here to support me" button. Also, a button will reside at the top of my link column on the right until the donation deadline (which I don't know what it is yet). And if you like to see your name scrolling on a webpage, my fundraising page will feature the names of those who contribute.

Now what have I got myself into?

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

yeah, it's still there... 

...my heart, I mean.

Yesterday I went and had myself an echocardiogram. Not because anything new had developed, but just as a "Gotta Make Sure" measure. It lasted about half an hour and was pretty easy on my end, since all I had to do was lie on my left side, try not to shiver as the doctor smeared cold clear gel around my left breast and try to relax while the doctor kept pushing the echo transducer into my chest, following the trail of the now-skin-temperature gel. A few times it seemed she pushed the transducer so hard that I'd have bruising, but so far no bruising has developed.

It was actually pretty cool, trying to watch my heart beat on the monitor, seeing my valves open and close regularly and the blood rushing through. I've always been fascinated with what doctors and dentists do to my own body. When at the dentist, I like to keep my glasses on, if possible, and watch the action in the metal center of the light, which turns into a mirror if the light is reflected just right (which it usually is). Chances are if I ever had a triple bypass, I'd try to find a way to watch that. This despite the fact that I can be very squeamish and can't watch anything graphic in movies or documentaries. I could never watch medical documentaries or even the graphic scenes on Nip/Tuck. Hell, I still haven't seen the steak crawling scene from Poltergeist, even though I've seen that movie more times than I can count.

Anywho, good news: she said that everything looked okay to her, but it would be a couple of weeks before the full results would be known. Unless, of course, they saw something immediately that was concerning, in which case I'd get a call from my doctor. But I'm betting that nothing unusual will be found. Which is good, because it's obvious that having a heart problem would really suck. But there is still a part of me that thinks, "Aha! If they find something physically wrong, then I'll be vindicated."

Yeah, I know.

However, it looks increasingly as if the diagnosis is a newly sprouted anxiety disorder. Whee! I've been coming to this conclusion as well, especially considering that recently I have felt anxious in situations that have not phased me in the past. Driving, for instance.

Since I don't have a car, I don't drive often. I have, however, rented cars in the past when needed and had no problems. Aside from the usual, "All drivers that aren't me are idiots," sort of frustration that pretty much every driver in L.A. feels, that is. But on the weekends of 1/13 and 1/20, when I've rented cars because I've been exceptionally busy, at least a few times while driving I felt some of the symptoms from November and December come back. Nothing bad, and not enough to distract me from my driving (though they did make the drives interminably long), but they were there nonetheless. And this time I really did feel as if it were anxiety that made an appearance, instead of my heart and head deciding to conspire against me.

So guess what I'll be picking up tonight? Ativan. Oh fucking whee.

I don't like pills. I take ibuprofen when needed, which is more than I'd like due to my bad neck, but I take the smallest dose I can get away with. I take vitamins when I remember to do so. But that part of me that thinks I should be able to "power through" my anxiety is highly annoyed that I have to resort to taking medication for it.

Don't get me wrong. I have a number of friends who are taking or have taken medication for anxiety or panic disorders. I fully understand why they're on such medication and am happy that it helps them out. I've seen great improvements in the quality of their lives.

But I still have remnants from my past that tell me I'm the strong one, I can take it, I don't have to resort to chemical assistance to make my life better. It's unreasonable, I know that. But there it is.

However, if this medication is going to help me, is going to keep me from experiencing such overwhelming anxiety that I swear I'm having a heart attack or that I'm going to faint while sitting at my desk at work, well, then I'll take it according to the doctor's orders, but make sure that I don't become addicted to it. It's going to be the lowest dose available, so I think I should be okay on that front.

Hey guys, I'm joining the Benzos club. G-d, I hope there's no initiation...

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Saturday, January 27, 2007

no one has ever quizzed me like you... 

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com


Friday, January 26, 2007

the fuck-memes meme 

I'm a sucker for a good meme, but sometimes you just have to say, "Fuck memes." Unapologetically stolen from Karl Elvis, who yanked it from Shoeless:
Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one or two (maybe even three) reasons why I hate you.

Then put this in your own journal, and spread the hate.

I love all of you so much that I hate you for making me love you.

(Except you, HSTeacher. I love loving you. Especially tonight... *growl*)

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Thursday, January 25, 2007


Sorry I've been gone two weeks. I've been in a whirl of busy!

Re: the delegate elections - no one on my slate was elected. We would have been were it not for our new assemblyman bascially backing the other slate and using his connections to get out voters who are part of a very cohesive ethnic community in my neck of the woods. I don't fault anyone for that - such are the ways of politics. And as the head of our slate said, this assemblyman has been working for over a decade to enable his community to have a voice that they didn't have in the past, so I can't be upset about that.

There were, unfortunately, other forces at work that were a bit more unsavory. Forces that tried to stay hidden, forces that broke with the bylaws of the very groups they purported to represent. Alas, those too are the ways of politics.

Luckily, though the have-to-remain-unnamed forces won in my district (thanks to the assemblyman's help), in other districts they were handily defeated, including the district where I used to live and where many of my political friends still reside and were elected. Even sweeter, two of the prime movers of those forces were roundly squashed in their own bids for delegate status. The bitter may be bitter, but oh, how the sweet does wonderfully make up for it.

Actually, I'm not too bitter about the results of my district. It happened. And now it's time to move on. Move on I shall. Because there are other ways of influencing and revitalizing the Democratic Party.

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Thursday, January 11, 2007


...is HSTeacher's birthday. I won't tell y'all his age, 'cause a lady never tells. But a very happy birthday to you, honey!

And yes, I have a very special birthday present planned for him...

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don't worry your pretty little head... 

...there really is a National Step In A Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day! And it's today!

Here you thought that there was no day on the calendar that would allow you turn your dearest friends into sopping wet messes, thereby ensuring you a lifetime (or at least a week) of well-deserved purple nurples.

(muttering Holy freaking A...)


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

vote for me! 

Shameless Plug:

If any of y'all are registered Democrats living in the 43rd Assembly District (which includes Burbank, Glendale, Los Feliz, Silverlake and parts of North Hollywood and Valley Village - see LAVote.net to find your assembly district) and are interested in helping to revitalize the California Democratic Party, please please please email me and let me know. It's going to be a stiff election, with a number of CDP apparatchiks running to keep out the progressive voice and to maintain the status quo, so we need all the help we can get.

If you're interested in supporting Progressive politics, but aren't in the 43rd AD, see Progressive Slate to find out who's running in your AD and visit the California State Legislature site to discover your assembly district.

Thank you!

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driving me crazy... 

In the past I've mentioned that I'm a bit on the hirsute side. It's something I battle with, despite knowing that ultimately I will lose the war.

But since I've got an election on Sunday where I've got to look as good and professional as possible, I've decided to get my facial hair waxed on Saturday. Which means I've been letting that hair grow out for almost two weeks. And it's driving me completely nuts.

I hate it. I hate it so much. I'm positive that small children are fleeing at the sight of me and animals are looking at me askance, whispering amongst themselves, "Girl needs a weed-whacker." Even furries are thinking I have a hell of a costume.

Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but coupled with the fact that my face has decided it's time to break out in red neon blemishes, well, let's just say I'm not feeling at my most attractive right now. Thank heavens HSTeacher hasn't seemed to notice. Or, if he has, he doesn't care a whit. 'Cause the thought of having my boyfriend avoiding me until I'm somewhat less Sasquatch-y doens't thrill me a heck of a lot.

Ooh, I can't wait until Saturday...

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

shiver me quizzes! 

Betterrrr late than neverrrr:

My pirate name is:

Mad Mary Rackham

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network


Friday, January 05, 2007

even my dreams are geeky... 

Last night I dreamed I was at JPL, chasing after one of the scientists I knew to get information, and he was dressed up like a Klingon, with forehead ridges and everything. And he wasn't the only costumed Klingon - several were around me. In my dream JPL, this, apparently, was not an unusual occurance.

I love the geeky side of me, but this? There has got to be an antidote for this much nerdiness...

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Thursday, January 04, 2007

i'm a yummy quiz... 

Found on The Moronosphere

If I were a man:

What James Bond Actor are You

You are Pierce Brosnan. The loyal to country, sex crazed man that would go to the edge for any women.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

But since I'm a woman:

Which Bond Girl Are You?

You are Solitare -- mystical and irresistable. You're gifted with amazing intuition, which allows you to find the right course in life. People often ask for your advice and guidance.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

adios, 2006... 

...it was nice knowing you. And I mean that sincerely.

2006 marked an interesting time, I have to say. For the first time in a long time, the good outweighed the bad by such a huge margin that I almost can't remember the bad.

It started out on a somber note, even though I was a little excited about it - unemployed, scared for the health of my mother as she struggled with newly diagnosed breast cancer, coming to grips with the likelihood that I'd be alone for the rest of my life in my little one bedroom Valley apartment with my cats.

Somewhere along the way I picked up as a publisher's assistant for an Irish newspaper and webmaster for an incredible congressional candidate. Mom's lumpectomy was wildly successful and now she's doing very well. I decided that everyone else was right and that George Clooney was damned hot. Somehow my love life was jumpstarted and I went on a lot of first dates (though none of them were with George Clooney). I gained a roommate and a new apartment, though I lost my beloved neighborhood.

Unfortunately, I also lost my dearly beloved Noel, he who was my dearest companion - feline or human - for thirteen years. I'm still filled with extraordinary sadness and I wonder if I'll ever stop missing him. Also, BabySis moved to Florida, which frequently causes the corners of my mouth to turn downwards. My health has been giving me quite the scare as of late, though nothing has yet been diagnosed. Pluto was demoted to dwarf planet status.

And now? I'm working at JPL, which excites me to no end. I'm making pretty okay money, which is nice for once. In a few weeks I'll be running to be delegate to the California Democratic Party, which would be very interesting if I get it. I'll be part of a progressive slate, which will up my chances of being elected.

But most astounding for me? I have a boyfriend. One I've been seeing for almost six months. And we're still getting along very well. Like any couple, we have moments where there are arguments, but we talk it out and try to come to some sort of resolution. We love each other like crazy, which is a wonderful feeling. But we also have enough history between the two of us that our feet remain on terra firma even when our heads are in the clouds.

Turning 40 seemed to have worked out for me. Thank you, 2006.

Here's hoping that 2007 is even better for all of us.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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United States, California, Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley, English, Carol, Female, 36-40.

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