Tuesday, December 27, 2005

for a reason... 

Since I might be on some government list somewhere, I might as well be on it for a reason. Courtesy of the lovely Ray:
NSA subliminal blog meme
Send the Federal Government a message via their backdoor channel, the spooks at the NSA:

martyr jihad c4 assassinate osama al-jazeera potus karachi shi'ite chalabi sinn fein peta overthrow dailykos dirty bomb genocide fallujah oil tanker FIX THE GODDAMN LEVEES ALREADY syriana michael moore cheney novak ied troop movement rpg anthrax.....

Inspired by Cosy Alcove. Pass it on.
I hope the holidays are going well for y'all!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

same ol', same ol'... 

So why the hell aren't I writing?

Beats the hell out of me.

That's not true. I know why. When I've had a regular job in the past, I've had no choice but to sit in front of a computer for at least eight hours a day. And since I have the attention span of a gnat at times, I would sometimes take a little downtime to read my regular blogs and update my own.

Now that I don't have to sit in front of a computer for a prescribed time each day? I don't. I'll log on to check my e-mail, make any updates to the political site that need to be made, update the political blog when I have a moment, then busy myself with other business.

I will be starting a new part time job tomorrow, as a publishing assistant for a local Irish newspaper, but while I will work at the computer a bit, I won't be obliged to sit in front of it most of the day. It's cool, though. I'll not only be doing the typical assistant stuff, but I'll also be helping out with layout and storyboard and research and the like. I'm pretty excited about it and my new boss is excited to have me on board. Better yet, I can work my hours around school. And as I've already laid out my classes for the spring semester, everything looks like it will dovetail nicely.

I've enrolled in my winter classes, which start January 3rd. Only two to start with: a physical fitness lab in the morning four times a week (I figure if I take a class I'll be forced to go, or else I'll fail the class) and an Intro to the Web class two evenings a week. Okay, so I'm already pretty web knowledgeable. But the class is needed for the Certificate in Web Design that I'm seeking, so I do kind of need it. Plus the other classes that I need are filled.

Full time school will start in February. And, oy, will it ever be full! But that's cool. I'm ready to get going, finally, and I'm not going to procrastinate any more.

Unfortunately I won't have time in 2006 to also take classes to prepare for a UC/Cal State transfer so that I can study writing, but I will start that in Spring of 2007. Because I don't intend to give that dream up either. I just know that I can use the Web Design education for more immediate cash. I've already had a number of people approach me for web design - imagine what I can get going if I learn all the fancy stuff!

Back to the whole not posting thing, another reason I'm not posting is I realize that pretty much my whole life is the same old thing. Not that I'm doing the same old thing as I've done before. Because that is patently not the truth. I'm entering an exciting phase in my life right now. But it's primarily political stuff that's influencing me and political people that I'm hanging out with. As much as I love it and as exciting as I find it (I'll be part of a delegation meeting with my US Representative on Wednesday, which is cool), I don't know how exciting it is to read about it.

And once 2006 starts, it'll be work and school and politics, without much time for anything else. I'm just not much into writing these days, unless it's railing against the political forces in the country these days. Then I get damned near eloquent...

Sorry, I started to doze off there a second.

Anywho, I'm not going anywhere. I will still post and try to keep up with Holidailies, but I don't see myself making the Best of Holidailies with anything resembling eloquent exposition or sparkling wit.

Ya know, sometimes that's cool too.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

doing the meme tag... 

Jim had the nerve to tag me with a two month old meme. The nerve! Still, I have been tagged, so here it goes:

"Back in late '97 or early '98, during my early days with the good ol' internet, I've had poetry published online, but later realized 1) most of my poetry kind of sucks [excluding the one that was published - that wasn't too bad] and 2) the site that published it will publish just about anything and still looks like it was created in '96."

Here are the rules:

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Now who do I tag? But how about: Grace, Sarriah, Ray, Grainne and, well, I can't think of a fifth right now. My brain is tired and my other blogging friends tend to not do memes (then again, Sarriah doesn't really either). So four it shall be.

Have fun!

kind of okay with it... 

There have been changes with me over the last six months that I haven't really addressed. Oh, I've hinted at them, but that's been about it. And for me it's something that's kind of big.

I think I'm kind of done with men.

Oh shut up. I hear you guffawing behind the woodshed. I'm serious.

Sure, I've had these thoughts before, but in the past they've only lasted five minutes or so before I went back to really, really needing a man in my life. This time? It's lasted since mid-June. Almost six months exactly.

It was after my trip to Sacramento. I had seen a great deal of MusicianMan over the course of those three days and found myself missing him after we got back home. Okay, I was kind of missing Mimi Kennedy too, because she's just too cool, but there was more of the MusicianMan-missing than the Mimi-missing. So a few days later he and I talked on the phone about this and that. We talked a bit about our friendship, which we agreed would remain pretty much in the realm of our political activities or group activities, as he didn't want to run the risk of mixed messages and hurt feelings. Especially considering the issues that each of us have (we've become close enough friends that we know one another's issues and totally understand them). Of course I wanted to protest a bit, but I knew better and so did he. I mean, CuteNerdBoy, anyone?

Damn, why do I always have to like the smart, perceptive boys?

So after we hung up I thought to myself, "That's it. I'm done with guys." And I brushed off my hands the imaginary dust of masculinity.

That thought has lasted pretty much since then. Even after seeing MusicianMan for five days straight - with many, many hours spent together each day - in Washington, DC in September and me experiencing more MusicianMan-missing after we got back home (we ended up talking/e-mailing everyday for a week after that - and I didn't even initiate the calls/e-mails). Definitely a first for me.

I'll admit, at first I was horribly sad about my conclusion. I felt as if I were giving up and resigning myself to a lonely and loveless life. I despised the very idea of it. Me, the eternal optimist, give up? When I talked about it to close friends, I couldn't hide my sadness, even when I tried.

But over the last month and a half, I've started feeling kind of okay with it. Maybe because it's stayed with me for so long. Maybe I'm growing up. Or maybe I'm just realizing that 2006 is going to be so busy for me that I won't have any time for a romantic relationship. Any spare time I might be able to eke out will be spent eating, sleeping and trying to maintain existing relationships with my friends and family.

Now, none of this means that I don't have occasional pockets of, "Oh, how I would love a man in my life right now." Nor does it mean my libido has disappeared. And it certainly doesn't mean I'm giving up sex entirely. It's not like I've had a lobotomy, people. I mean, the Saturday before Halloween I decided, at the last minute, to go to Summer'85Boy's yearly Halloween party and I went with one mission in mind: I wanted to get laid by a guy who would drive me home. Mission accomplished. Next time, though, I'm going to specify that the guy actually be really good in bed. I've had sex three times this year, and two of those experiences? In order of occurance: bad and mediocre. No more.

Besides, that libido? So, so very much present. If MusicianMan knew what went through my mind every time we're at some meeting or another, with him usually speaking at some point, allowing me to look at him without having to be sly about it, well, he would probably never stop blushing. And this is not a man who blushes easily, my friends.

Okay, I could say the same about what runs through my head regarding Jon Stewart. Or Hugh Jackman. Or Julian McMahon. Or...

Nor does my recent conclusion mean that, if an appealing man were to pop up in my life tomorrow, I would turn him away. Again, no lobotomy, folks.

But I am more at peace about not having a fella around. I'm at peace about a number of things. It feels good to be at peace. I'd almost forgotten what that was like.

Turning 40 next year? Just might be cool after all...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

someone, please shoot me... 

Last week I attended a meeting where the Los Angeles County Registrar of Voters addressed my regional grassroots group and answered questions. Because she's quite the piece of work (she posesses the lovely combination of being lazy, slick, dismissive, single-minded, defensive and pretty damned close to being evil, trying to appear personable and open to voters' concerns whilst dancing a little side step), a few people decided they needed transcripts of her hour and fifteen minutes at the mike. And I was asked if I could type up such a transcript from digital audio.

"Sure," I said, "not a problem."

G-d, sometimes I'm such a fucking idiot.

I mean, I know I'm not the fastest typist around, but I've had some experience with transcribing before. However, transcribing from a thirty minute Dictaphone using a foot pedal with the speaker talking clearly and succinctly into the mike is one thing. Trying to transcibe a seventy-five minute meeting with different voices and occasional heated debate? Not to mention a few voices that manage to hit all the wrong nerves, even though the majority of the voices are speaking clearly into the microphone?

Painful in the extreme. And I'm still working on this g-ddamned thing.

The only balm in this nightmare is hearing MusicianMan's low, soft-spoken, soothing voice so often on the recording, as he moderated the Q&A part of the evening. It's probably the only thing that is keeping me from beating his pretty little head in for asking me to do this in the first place.

When the hell did I become such a sucker for good-looking dark-haired men with piercing brown eyes and gently wry voices? Oh yeah, pretty much since forever.

I'm *thisclose* to asking for the sweet hand of death...

Monday, December 12, 2005


Well, my attempt at Holidailies was quite the bust, huh?


There's still the better part of the month ahead, though. Let's try that one more time, shall we?


The one bit of news that I couldn't mention last week? I couldn't do that because it wasn't official, but it is now. Your humble narrarator is, as of January 1st, 2006, the new Chair for the Technology Committee of SoCal Grassroots. Yea!

Okay, the current chair didn't want to do it any longer, there really isn't a Technology Committee as such (it was just him at first, until I volunteered to update the website - and then there were two) and I was already thinking of running for it, so plop! Into my lap it fell. I've got ideas as to how to put together an actual committee and I'm pretty much there, I think. I even have a secretary in place. Unfortunately the current chair isn't interested in being Vice-Chair, so I need to find one - preferably someone with the technical skills he possesses. He's far more technologically proficient than I am.

For now. Let's see what happens when I get that Web Desgn Certificate I'll be starting to go to school for next month...


I think that I've mentioned before that, when I was younger, I was quite the klutz. Frequently tripping over my own feet, running into walls. Little hand-to-eye coordination, depth perception a bit off, not much sense of exactly where objects in the world were in relation to my body, even all through high school. Thing is, I rarely hurt myself in those days. Maybe I was just more flexible, my bones more rubbery. Or, after falling over myself often enough, I instinctively learned how to land.

I grew out of that by my early 20's. Somewhere along the line I acquired something resembling grace. Maybe it was just that I was more comfortable in my body. My reflexes definitely improved, almost miraculously at times. I may still occasionally knock things over, but I'm much better at catching them before they hit the floor. I'm much better at catching myself before I hit the floor.

Unfortunately, when I do hit the floor these days, I hurt myself. The Sunday before Thanksgiving I was crossing a street near my home, talking on my cell phone with one of my friends from SoCal Grassroots, IrishGuy (he's the Chair of the SCG Communications Committee), regarding a meeting we had the next day with SCG's Chair. It's a street I cross often, so it's not as if I'm not familiar with its little divots and potholes. However, being familiar doesn't mean that I can blithely cross the street whilst on the phone wearing boots I hadn't worn in ages, meaning I had forgotten the funny way I had worn away the heels on the edges. The street decided to teach me that lesson and wham! Onto my hands and kness I fell, phone flying out of my hand. My first thought was, "No, not my pretty little camera phone I love so much!" I got up instantly and snatched my phone from the pavement. Luckily my beloved cell just got a few scratches.

That's what I thought I had gotten at first, until I stepped onto the bus and felt my right knee start to burn. I sat in a seat near the back, pushed up my pantleg (thank heavens I was wearing pants) and saw some skin missing from my knee and blood around the edges.

Uh oh.

Oh well, just a little scrape. I'd certainly had those before. I cleaned it up when I got to ModelGirl's place.

The next few days belied that belief. I was in Thousand Oaks and Fresno for a few days around Thanksgiving, visiting family, and for some reason, every child, adult, table, car console or dog in the universe decided to zero in on that one square inch of damaged flesh. Add to that some seriously jostled muscles in my right upper back and shoulder - where I took more of the fall than I had thought - and I was one bruised and battered girl for a couple of weeks.

I managed to heal up from that quite nicely, but once again I got overconfident. Yesterday I was rushing to a committee meeting at the Beverly Center, for which I was later than I thought (got my times mixed up). I was almost to the community room (which is almost impossble to find - talk about your afterthought of a room - it's on the edge of the 3rd level of the parking structure, for fuck's sake) when I stepped on a grate dented by years of cars driving over it. My boots - different ones from before, these are ones I wear fairly often - twisted on the dented grate and my ankle followed suit. I caught myself, so there was no falling, but as I entered the room I noticed a pain.

Uh oh.

No seats were left, but luckily someone gave up his chair for me. It's someone I don't even like all that much, but when a girl's in pain and looking to stand a couple of hours, she's not going to be picky. She is going to be grateful. I was.

Thankfully the meeting only lasted another hour. Not so thankfully? Neither of my usual rides, MusicianMan and IrishGuy, were headed back to the Valley just yet. And I needed to get home. However, the fates were smiling upon my clumsy head, as I ran into a couple of other Valley people who were headed back home and offered to give me a ride. Yes, gratitude was definitely in order.

Especially once I got home and took off my boots. My poor right ankle was nicely swollen and proceeded to swell even more.

Guess who had to postpone a meeting for possible work today?

Looks like someone is going to have to start paying attention to the world around her again. 'Cause she ain't 17 anymore.


Monday, December 05, 2005

a little bit of this... 

Just random thoughts:

* The Monday before Thanksgiving I finally met my Almost-Husband, the darling Patrick! He was in town for a few days, visiting various friends, and he and I hung out Monday evening. A little dinner at one of my favorite restaurants - which happened to be near his hotel (which is nicer than any hotel room I've ever seen, including the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas) - was followed by me assuming I knew where we could see the latest Harry Potter movie. As a result we parked at the Beverly Connection, where it was proven that I hadn't been there since the beginning of time as the theater that had once been there was long, long gone. As in over a year gone. Yeah, I'm up on everything Los Angeles. We walked over to the Beverly Center, as I was positive it was playing there. So very wrong was I. At least we picked up an LA Weekly and found it at Grauman's Chinese, which I thought was perfect since it was Patrick's first visit to LA. Some time was spent walking up and down Hollywood Blvd, which is incredibly deserted on Monday nights, then a spot of coffee and into the movie we went.

Like the new Harry Potter alright (better than Patrick), but it still bugged me a bit. I found the pacing uneven and was annoyed by the way Michael Gambon was directed - I'm positive he wound not normally have made such a panicky Dumbledore were it not for the director. Okay movie, but nowhere near as good as Prisoner of Azkaban.

It was great to finally meet the man whose writing I've admired since 1998. Fun, sweet, quieter than me (though I was in a pretty talkative mood that night - it wouldn't have been hard to be quieter than me), but definitely a good conversationalist. And really cute to boot. See?

He doesn't like that picture, but he has no problem with me posting it. I think he's just adorable. I am so going to have to make my way to Boston!


In other news, life is continuing to be interesting. Lots of things are happening on the political activism front. I can't go into all of it right now, but hopefully next week I can spill the beans about a few things. One thing that I can say is that I am the secretary-elect for the Communications Committee of my main group, which is cool. Granted, no one else threw their hats into the ring, but the chair of the CC wanted me onboard in a more official capacity, so I agreed.

Also, the website that I designed for the woman running for Congress is live and she's happy with it (though I'm not - at least not entrirely). I'll be paid for that soon. And I have two more websites lined up - one to maintain and expand and one (tied in with the other) to design. And I'll be paid. Whee! Looks like I'm going to have to get myself a business license and all the things that baby businesses need.

Holy crap. I'm starting my own business. I feel all grown up or something.


With any luck y'all will see more frequent updates this month. Not because I've turned over a new leaf or anything. Oh no, my friends. It's just that I signed up for Holidailies (just got in under the wire), so as of December 7th I have to try to post every damned day. Since I completely missed NaNiWriMo this year, I thought I should give Holidailies a go.


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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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