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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

musical interlude... 

I haven't had one of these for a while:
Grey is not the color I expected
On someone who is often touched by grace
The eyes that hold the promise of perfection
Will find the flaw that no one can erase
And though she hears the rumours of intention
And many times I've failed to hide my stare
She will not breach a hint of indecision
She will not ever bend to show her care

Things she said
Every other daystore promise
Things she said would leave me wanting
Run to her then run from other
Things she said
Broke me down and left me shattered
Hard as diamonds... It does not matter
Won't remember the things she said

Today I saw her face in all the papers
A smile to empty out a lion's cage
But notes that might remind her what that smile was for
Are scribbled on a long-forgotten page

Things she said
Every other daystore promise
Things she said would leave me wanting
Run to her then run from other
Things she said
Broke me down and left me shattered
Hard as diamonds... It does not matter
Won't remember the things she said

The choice she never made
The face she never saved
The words she would not say
The lives she threw away
And the things she said

So grey is not the color I expected
On one who is so often touched by grace
But always she's the spectre of uncertainty
I first endure, then pity, then embrace

Things she said
Every other daystore promise
Things she said would leave me wanting
Run to her then run from other
Things she said
Broke me down and left me shattered
Hard as diamonds... It does not matter
Won't remember the things she said

Things she said
Every other daystore promise
Things she said would leave me wanting
Run to her then run from other
Things she said
Broke me down and left me shattered
Hard as diamonds... It does not matter
Won't remember the things she said
Things She Said, by Toy Matinee (from Toy Matinee)

I've heard of Toy Matinee before, and even have the above song on a mix CD I received from a friend. When I first heard this song it saddened me because all I could think about was his prior pain (no, this isn't the song that brought me to my knees), but I didn't listen to all of the lyrics. Why, I couldn't tell you. Possibly a self-protective instinct.

For some reason, though, listening to the song today just sliced at my heart. Right now I'm listening to Toy Matinee's only album. It was one of the CDs from the Kenny Club and I thought, "Hey, why not?" At least, that's what I thought until I caught the lyrics, "The eyes that hold the promise of perfection/Will find the flaw that no one can erase."

The knife to the gut twists. Not sure why. It just does.

Who knew that several songs on the album would weigh so heavily on me? I certainly didn't. And Things She Said weighs heaviest of all.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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