Tuesday, December 07, 2004

a brand spanking new month... 

...at least according to Holidailies. And if Holidailies declares it, it must be so. As a result, I must make an effort to post something resembling a post every gosh-darned day, even if it kills me. Though if it does kill me, I imagine my output will drop off significantly. Unless I'm like Tupac Shakur and a boatload of unposted entries are discovered on my hard-drive, to be published posthumously in 2005 by the executors of my estate, with a helping hand by Eminem. With my luck, though, such stellar entries titled i have diamond-hard toenails... and ooh, look at edison's hairball! will be lauded as online poetry for a new generation and I won't see one thin dime from the hardbacks and trade paperbacks that will inevitably come about, only be to turned into a Major Motion Picture Starring Tom Hanks, Colin Farrell, a dark-haired Renee Zellweger as me - though she'll bitch and complain because she had to eat a friggin' cookie and didn't she go through enough when she gained weight for the Bridget Jones movies, even though she had the money to personal-train and no-carb her way back to skeletal in no time and the only person worth watching in those movies anyway was Colin Firth - and Eddie from Frasier as Noel the Wonder Dog because dogs are so much easier to train than cats and they have a higher Q rating anyway. Colin Farrell will assume that twitching his scary humungous eyebrows counts as acting and will be properly ignored but Tom Hanks and Renee Zellweger will win Oscars because they overacted the hell out of parts that were written completely detached from reality because even though Renee and I share a birthday she is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE ME and I hate her little smirking face that looks like her plastic surgeon accidentally snipped a nerve near her mouth so now every expression looks like she smelled a particularly nasty fart that probably came from her anyway and and I will roll over in my grave and then I will be nothing more than a pink footnote on the 2010 edition of Trivial Pursuit and all will be tears.

See what happens when I contemplate writing an entry every single day in December? Don't say I didn't warn you...

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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