Sunday, October 17, 2004

not what i'd hoped... 

Four months ago I had a vision for this weekend. A vision of pain and exhaustion and fun. I'd imagined three or four days spent in a city I love - San Francisco - where I'd jog my (not-so) little feet off for a good cause. And I imagined spending a fair amount of it with a fella I was rather fond of.

Instead my Friday off was spent doing errands and seeing a podiatrist who merely confirmed what I'd already thought - that I put my poor ankles and feet through some serious trauma at the end of August and they would be best served by buying some really good shoes (which I can't afford right now) and taking 2-3 Advil with meals, then calling him in a week's time to let him know if the ever-present slight swelling has gone down. Nevermind that I have a sensitive stomach and chronic heartburn.

The rest of the weekend has been spent inside, catching up on shows I taped, dozing, playing with and petting the cats, writing a little bit and listening to the rain outside. That fella I'd imagined spending this weekend with? Nowhere in sight because I decided that I couldn't handle my damned emotions. He's waiting for me to make the next move, which I dearly want to do, but am so not ready for. And my petty side has reared up when my imagination runs riot wondering what he's doing this weekend instead.

I am exhausted, but not for the reasons I thought. And I am in pain, but it's not the muscle pain I anticipated. It's my all-too-often felt emotional pain, and I am tired of it.

Here's hoping tomorrow will be better. After all, tomorrow is another day, is it not?

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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United States, California, Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley, English, Carol, Female, 36-40.

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