Friday, July 16, 2004

um, ew? 

So I've been on personals sites for a while.  I've used them now and again for nearly eight years.  And the profiles that I posted last year are still up and visible.  I haven't really used them in the last few months, what with the whole "pining for CuteNerdBoy" thing I've got goin' on, so I haven't gotten many e-mails from them as a result.  Which is fine.  But having been around them for awhile, I know what works for me and I know what comes off as creepy. 
Which is why I wonder why some men think something like this recent e-mail is an appropriate icebreaker: 
Subject:  yes yes yes come to daddy

hey I am a vegetarian thinking about going macrobiotic etc.
hey I am creative and like books and humor and all kinds of madness
hey you are looking awfully sexy in those pictures but I want to see one with your arms not covering your body up. lets see if you are really a buxom gal!
hey I live in Hollywood thats not too far
hey I love animals especially cats.
I love music and I like the outdoors but I am not a fanatic. I am 33 but you don't seem to mind that.
Let's start with the subject, shall we?
"come to daddy"?  Leaving aside the fact that, at 33, he's too young to be the daddy to a 38 year old woman - I never, ever want to be with someone who thinks calling himself my "daddy" would be appealing.  Even before my current father issues, I didn't like that crap.
The punctuation is appalling, as is starting every line with "hey" and the lack of capitals at the beginning of the sentences.  Call me a writing snob, but if English is your native language and your profile shows incidences of you using at least some of the rules of grammar correctly, but you can't be bothered to make a decent impression in your first contact to me, I'm just not going to be all that interested.  And yes, I've been known to bend and break grammar rules on occasion.  I'm not perfect.  But please, for the love of Pete (and Mike and Harry), make the damned sentences readable!
(Addendum: I am friends with people that use very few capital letters in e-mails, which, admittedly, bugs me a little.  But otherwise their missives are well written.  And these people are consistent.  That gets a pass from me.)

The actual content of most of the lines are fine, though they seem to only address certain points in my profile without revealing anything about the writer.  Rather boring, actually.  But a demand to see if I'm really buxom?  Ending with a command to write back?  Since commanding me to do something is the surest way to receive a stony glare and a cold shoulder-- Uh, no.  *sound of e-mail hitting the trash can*
What does the next recent e-mail have in store for me?  Hmmm:

I really like your profile...if you like mine I'd love to hear from you.

Not exciting, could use a little more personality, but still okay.
 I'm looking for a relationship with a woman who is bisexual...are you really open to any experience?
And you lost me.
I'm not a prude.  I think we're pretty clear on that.  I've made it abundantly plain on this 'blog that I think Sex Is A Very Good Thing.  But bringing it up in the very first e-mail on a personals site that is not geared to racking up sex partners?  When my profile clearly stated I was looking for a relationship?  Not so good.  Especially since he wasn't even creative about it.
Annoying E-mail, don't let the trash can lid hit ya on the way in.
I won't even go into the story about the guy from the MetroRail this morning who sat too close to me, stared at my bare legs, and when I glared at him and moved across the train, proceeded to move himself so that he wasn't close but could continue to stare at my legs.  And was impossibly freaking obvious about it the whole time.  Dude.  I know I have great legs, but fer Chrissake, a little subtlety here.
Maybe I'm too picky.  That is most definitely a possibility.  But if a man comes across as clever and sincere and possessing of a social skill set, I'm gonna take a second look.  And probably a third.  Or more.
These guys?

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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