Wednesday, July 14, 2004
response to longtime reader...
...because there isn't enough room in the comments (stupid 1000 character limit):
Longtime Reader, you do offer words for thought. Yes, I am struggling against my apparent need for "someone else". Unlike some people, who seem to be more and more okay with being alone as the years go by, I find myself less and less okay with it, which, I admit, concerns me. And it's only been in the last few years - and in times of perceived crisis - that I've felt that need most keenly. Granted, I've always really wanted to have another person to share my life with, but to the point where it cuts like a knife? That's fairly recent. And not a development I'm all that happy about.
So in the middle of the night, when I'm angry and hurt and my cats try to comfort me by rallying around me when it all hits me, I write about that need. And I post that writing. And in the cold light of day I re-read it and wonder when I'm going to learn to restrain myself a little, to write about it but not throw it up in public bits and bytes. Because I can see the desperation and neediness in those words, feelings that are there and are real at that moment, but are not as constant as they may seem.
But I decide to leave up those insecure, angry, hurt entries because, though there are actually things I do not share with the class, to take down something that I've already posted and that has been read seems disingenuous.
The Road Less Traveled, huh? Something to consider...
As for the other - I know it's all comes down to the personal tastes of the individuals involved, but it's hard to remember that sometimes. And that knowledge isn't often comforting. As I usually say, I'll be okay eventually. I don't think I have much of a choice in the matter, if I want to have any quality of life.
Oh, and Jon Stewart? Ooh baby yeah...
Longtime Reader, you do offer words for thought. Yes, I am struggling against my apparent need for "someone else". Unlike some people, who seem to be more and more okay with being alone as the years go by, I find myself less and less okay with it, which, I admit, concerns me. And it's only been in the last few years - and in times of perceived crisis - that I've felt that need most keenly. Granted, I've always really wanted to have another person to share my life with, but to the point where it cuts like a knife? That's fairly recent. And not a development I'm all that happy about.
So in the middle of the night, when I'm angry and hurt and my cats try to comfort me by rallying around me when it all hits me, I write about that need. And I post that writing. And in the cold light of day I re-read it and wonder when I'm going to learn to restrain myself a little, to write about it but not throw it up in public bits and bytes. Because I can see the desperation and neediness in those words, feelings that are there and are real at that moment, but are not as constant as they may seem.
But I decide to leave up those insecure, angry, hurt entries because, though there are actually things I do not share with the class, to take down something that I've already posted and that has been read seems disingenuous.
The Road Less Traveled, huh? Something to consider...
As for the other - I know it's all comes down to the personal tastes of the individuals involved, but it's hard to remember that sometimes. And that knowledge isn't often comforting. As I usually say, I'll be okay eventually. I don't think I have much of a choice in the matter, if I want to have any quality of life.
Oh, and Jon Stewart? Ooh baby yeah...
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