Tuesday, July 06, 2004

pry the lids closed... 

I'm still awake.

Why? I haven't the foggiest. It's 3:45am, I have to be at work in less than five hours, and I'm still awake.

I'm tired because my kitties decided to wake me up at 8:30am today - er, I mean, yesterday - after I'd only slept for five hours. And I had been looking forward to sleeping in.

I'm tired but I'm not sleepy and I can't get myself to bed. It's been a total do-nothing day (except for a three mile walk), so it's not as if I were out and about until the wee hours of the morning, which is usually the case when I stay up way too late. I'm not someone who can go to bed right after getting home. I need at least an hour to wind down.

*sigh* I think it's because my brain won't shut up. I've got a strange feeling it's going to be an odd week - though not necessarily a bad one - and I'm just wondering in what ways the week will present its oddness. It's making me a little nervous, to be honest. Then again, I can be a nervous person on occasion, so that's not entirely surprising.

So I sit up and futz around on the computer. I obsessively check my e-mail and a few other sites and fume at the new wonkiness of my Internet Explorer. I design my next mix CD cover. I play with music. I write. I listen to the infomercials on TV. I try to stop my brain from running around in the same worn out grooves it’s been running in for the last five days or so, with pretty much no success. I curse the fact that my usual emotionalism that accompanies my PMS has moved to the actual Time-of-the-Month part of the cycle, because, as a rule, I’m generally okay once my period starts (and I think my readers are way too acquainted with my girly stuff, for which I apologize). I hate how the same stupid thought - which is too personal for even me to disclose - makes me feel nervous each and every time it crosses my mind. I wonder about my wisdom in taking certain actions. I wonder why it sometimes seems as if I'm repeating mistakes I made when I was much, much younger because I should be a hell of a lot smarter and grown-up by now.

I ponder the fact that I know three people (two of them are actually a couple) that went to different weddings on July 4th, which seems such an odd day to have a wedding. Then I think, the happy brides and grooms probably got good deals on the locations because of the day. And I remember YoungerBro was married on Tax Day, which to my mind is even stranger.

Then I start thinking about the three weddings I’m going to this year, as well as weddings in general, which causes my brain to jump to all sorts of new thoughts, but I also start panicking a bit because BabySis’ wedding is in less than three weeks and I still have things to do to get ready for it and I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to afford what I still need to get.

In case you're interested, it was a good holiday weekend. And a quiet one. I discovered that BSSon thinks his Auntie Carol makes a swell flotation device. Or a very nice sea-horse. I'm not sure which I was. And that it's nice to just chat with BabySis, which we do far too little. And hanging out with Mom is fun too, though sometimes she can be a little trying. But that's okay because 1) that's what moms are for and 2) I'm probably a little trying sometimes too. And that, yes, it'll be sad when BS-In-Laws move permanently to Florida (they already bought a house there and are trying to selling their current house), but I'm also going to miss their pool and jacuzzi.

Oh yeah, and I really hate the town in which they, and Mom and BabySis, all currently live. I hated it when I lived there for ten years - from 1983 to 1993 - and I still hate it. Not just because it's rather conservative. But also because the town has only four bus routes, two of them follow almost identical routes and none of those routes drop me off anywhere close to anywhere I'd ever need to go, which means that I had to walk easily a couple of miles. Which wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't been carrying a heavy overnight bag.

Stupid Thinks-It's-A-Small-Town-But-It-Really-Isn't town bus routes.

Lastly I think I'd better try to get a couple of hours of sleep. Especially since this is probably the most boring entry I've ever written, if not the most boring entry in the history of all personal online writing.

Hey, I think I nearly put myself to sleep reading it over! I guess it served a purpose after all.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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United States, California, Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley, English, Carol, Female, 36-40.

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