Wednesday, June 09, 2004

strange dynamics... 

The dynamics between people can be fascinating. And puzzling. One never knows exactly why one might react to someone the way s/he does, especially when there is no demonstrable reason for a negative reaction. A perceived slight can set in stone an attitude or outlook that, while the supposedly slighted person knows she's being silly or unreasonable, cannot be shaken. Or perhaps doesn't want to be shaken.

There is a woman with whom I am acquainted. We interact on a fairly regular basis, pretty much because we have to, and I'm completely civil when we speak. I may occasionally come across as friendly, because I don't know how to be merely civil without being outright rude and, to be honest, there's no real reason for me to be rude to her. But I get no pleasure from our interaction.

Frankly, I don't like her. Why? I couldn't really tell you. Maybe it's because of an unguarded look I once saw on her face - an odd, hard-to-describe look that, for some reason, boiled my blood. Especially when she noticed that I noticed her look and promptly glanced away with an "innocent" expression.

Or maybe it's just that we don't mesh. We all meet people in the course of our lives that get on our nerves for unknown reasons, even if the logical lobes of our brains tell us we're being silly. Perhaps that's the case here. I see her, I greet her, arrange my face into as pleasant an expression as possible. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I hold firmly onto that "I don't like her" feeling, because the sight of her causes my muscles to tense, my jaw to set and my lips to pucker in distaste, despite that fact that, as far as I know, she has done nothing against me and, indeed, is perfectly pleasant and friendly when we meet.

Or perhaps there's something about her that I sense isn't quite right. I can't pinpoint it, don't want to get close enough to her to figure out what it is, but there are times that I swear she's more than a little bit off, even if there's no way to say for sure in what way she's off.

I have to say, though, if I never had to interact with her again, I would not be sorry at all.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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