Monday, June 07, 2004

so. tucson... 

It was a great weekend, as I've reported. Lots and lots of time was spent with BestFriend and BFDaughter, which was wonderful. I didn’t get as much of a chance to talk with BFHubby as I usually do, due to his non-Monday-Friday, 9-5 work schedule, but we still chatted a bit, which was good. He’s a smart man and a news junkie and we usually end up talking politics. It was interesting watching the Reagan motorcade on TV with him on Saturday. I wouldn’t have paid much attention to it because, though such deaths always sadden me, I don’t think Reagan was a good president at all. And such over the top coverage sickens me.

But BFHubby was switching the channels and asking me, “Any idea where they are?” Which turned it into a little bit of game for me, trying to recognize the neighborhood and failing miserably. It was especially hard when he had it on FoxNews – a channel which gives me the hives – but I couldn’t help myself. *sigh*

Anyway. I really did love getting to know BFDaughter better. She’s nearly four years old – a bright, energetic little girl that is extremely sociable and charming. And is well aware of how charming she is. What d’ya expect from a Leo? She also at the age where she is testing her parents’ boundaries, which was very much in evidence this weekend. She discovered, not only where her boundaries lay, but that Auntie Carol is a big believer in supporting the boundaries that her parents set for her.

Though I loved all of it, best of all was the few hours on Saturday night, when BFHubby took BFDaughter for the evening and BestFriend and I were able to get away for dinner and a couple of drinks and just talk. We talked about many things – the previous weekend’s camping and my roiling emotions left over from that, things that are happening with her health and work and family, stuff that’s happening with my family. Just a great time to catch up with one another with no distractions. We so rarely get a chance to do that, it was wonderful.

She also told me a few things that opened my eyes a little bit, about the ex-boyfriend and her impressions about him – things I didn’t know about. She had asked me what I thought might be the reason for not finding another relationship. I told her that since reconnecting with CuteNerdBoy, well, the reason was pretty obvious. But before then... I told her my non-forgiveness theory. For the first time she said that she had never seen him as my life-partner, that he seemed too quiet and morose for someone who has the love of life that I have, that, though he was a perfectly nice guy and may have been different with me than he was with others, he just didn’t seem like someone who would support me in the way she thought I should be supported. The way life-partners should support one another. I had never realized that she felt like that.

Thing is, he never seemed morose to me, never seemed unsupportive. Quiet around others? True. That’s actually something I tend to find attractive – the seemingly quiet man with the sparkling eyes and a hidden sharp liveliness.

I can't say that I agreed with her, as I thought FG was supportive, but thinking back on things, he had said a few things that, while not outright mean, really weren't supportive at all. That seemed to be borne from frustration with himself and me.

Considering that ModelGirl has told me several times she always thought FG was boring and didn't compliment my liveliness, it was interesting to find my oldest and dearest friend echoing her thoughts.

Then I start remembering how passive his form of support was, much like that of my family. Support that merely said, however sincerely, "You can do it," but never took an active role in helping me to do it. Hell, even laid-back, slow-as-molasses, no-pressure me used to buy the Backstage West and various acting books and point out audition notices and the like to FG. Those may not have been huge steps, but they were steps, nonetheless.

Then I'd remember how, in just the first couple of months of friendship, CuteNerdBoy stated unequivocably that I was a writer, or when he leant me his keyboard in February. Or even his recent smile and "You should send it in!" when I told him about the sketch I did whilst we were camping that I was thinking about submitting to BookCrossing for its bookplates. And how those simple generous actions, in addition to others, demonstrated a support I'd rarely had before, a support that I don't even think I've had from any past boyfriends.

It was an fascinating revelation, to say the least.

I may be exhausted. My patience may have been stretched a bit with BFDaughter's stubbornness. My eating habits may have been completely thrown off. I may possess unfortunately sunburned shoulders, despite the application of sunscreen lotion. And my emotions may be a bit tumultuous. But it was definitely worth all of that.

What a wonderful weekend.

Comments: Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours? www.blogwise.com Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com Listed on BlogShares Free Image Hosting at ImageShack.us

Listed on LABlogs.com

Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
This is my blogchalk:
United States, California, Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley, English, Carol, Female, 36-40.

WWW all the fun of the fair...