Saturday, May 08, 2004
oh dear...
For my birthday present, Sarriah took me to see Van Helsing last night. Because it's just the sort of movie that would be right up my alley. Vampires! Richard Roxburgh! Oh, and that Hugh Jackman guy. I had a couple of reservations about the movie, mainly the presence of werewolves and Frankenstein's Creature, but I thought it could probably still be good despite that, if handled correctly. I had really, really wanted to see it.
So we tried to organize a group outing, but in the end it was Sarriah, CuteNerdBoy and myself attending a 10pm show in Sherman Oaks. Sarriah and I had been warned by another that the movie was bad. Gloriously bad. But I thought, "Hey, Hugh and Richard can redeem it, surely!" Because I'm a cock-eyed optimist that way. And I'd purposely kept my blinders up with this movie, because I didn't want to know anything prior to watching it that would ruin it for me.
Wouldn't have mattered. The movie itself did a fine job of ruining it for me.
I won't go into details. I can't. Van Helsing is so mind-numbingly, oxygen-suckingly bad that nothing I say could do it justice. Not even Hugh's prettily manly Van Helsing nor Richard's so-far-from-subtle-the cousins-to-the-trees-that-comprised-the-sets-are-terrified Dracula could not begin to think about redeeming it. David Wenham played the requisite slightly bumbling, supposedly comedic sidekick as well as he could, and Kate Beckinsale (whom I've never really paid attention to - it's only by looking at IMDb that I know I've seen two of her films before) worked pretty hard in the now-stereotypical tough, kick-ass yet tender possible love interest (would have been nice if she and Hugh had actual chemistry onscreen).
But nothing anyone onscreen could have done would have been able to save the movie from its horrific writing and directing. CuteNerdBoy and I were frequently muttering asides to one another during the movie, with Sarriah contributing a few bon mots. Now, people who talk in theaters whilst a movie is playing happen to be one of my biggest pet peeves. So the fact that we needed to MST3K it after paying hard earned money for the ticket (well, he paid for himself - I was happy it was a birthday present from Sarriah), well, I think you can deduce what it is I'm trying to say here. As CuteNerdBoy said, "Hugh is going to have to come up with something really good to make up for this."
I will say this though: it's been a long time since I've laughed so hard at a movie in the theaters.
So we tried to organize a group outing, but in the end it was Sarriah, CuteNerdBoy and myself attending a 10pm show in Sherman Oaks. Sarriah and I had been warned by another that the movie was bad. Gloriously bad. But I thought, "Hey, Hugh and Richard can redeem it, surely!" Because I'm a cock-eyed optimist that way. And I'd purposely kept my blinders up with this movie, because I didn't want to know anything prior to watching it that would ruin it for me.
Wouldn't have mattered. The movie itself did a fine job of ruining it for me.
I won't go into details. I can't. Van Helsing is so mind-numbingly, oxygen-suckingly bad that nothing I say could do it justice. Not even Hugh's prettily manly Van Helsing nor Richard's so-far-from-subtle-the cousins-to-the-trees-that-comprised-the-sets-are-terrified Dracula could not begin to think about redeeming it. David Wenham played the requisite slightly bumbling, supposedly comedic sidekick as well as he could, and Kate Beckinsale (whom I've never really paid attention to - it's only by looking at IMDb that I know I've seen two of her films before) worked pretty hard in the now-stereotypical tough, kick-ass yet tender possible love interest (would have been nice if she and Hugh had actual chemistry onscreen).
But nothing anyone onscreen could have done would have been able to save the movie from its horrific writing and directing. CuteNerdBoy and I were frequently muttering asides to one another during the movie, with Sarriah contributing a few bon mots. Now, people who talk in theaters whilst a movie is playing happen to be one of my biggest pet peeves. So the fact that we needed to MST3K it after paying hard earned money for the ticket (well, he paid for himself - I was happy it was a birthday present from Sarriah), well, I think you can deduce what it is I'm trying to say here. As CuteNerdBoy said, "Hugh is going to have to come up with something really good to make up for this."
I will say this though: it's been a long time since I've laughed so hard at a movie in the theaters.
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