Thursday, March 25, 2004
So...
...I've been keeping a few things under wraps the last week and a half, because, as I've said before, I was waiting to mention it to a friend before letting the world at large know. The friend, as the sharper amongst you have no doubt guessed, is CuteNerdBoy. I had my chance last week when he and I went to see Pamie perform with her friend Liz (funny as hell, those two). But, for some reason, I chickened out. I don't know why.
Actually I do know why. Even though I know I can trust CuteNerdBoy and I know I can be honest with him, every once in a while those idiot insecurities creep up and fear of what he'll think of me holds my tongue still. I want him to think highly of me and how can he do that if he knows everything about me? Which is patently silly, because he already knows pretty much all there is to know about me. That's what comes from being an open book.
But, even though I'm not still not entirely sure why I felt I owed it to him to tell him first before spilling it to the world, aside from the whole "telling close friends new and exciting things" deal, I finally mentioned it as part of an e-mail to him. And now I feel okay about writing about it here.
Funny thing is, while it's kind of a big deal, it's also kind of not.
So. I met a boy at a party. It was the joint birthday party for Summer'85Boy and PythonMan. This boy is smart and cute and goofy and tall. He talked to me most of the night, actually looked me in the eye with the occasional surreptitious glance at my lovely cleavage. We clicked, went to another party afterwards. And well, while I didn't expect to sleep at home that night, since I was planning on crashing at Sarriah's, let's just say I was in an unfamiliar room come the daylight hours.
I'll admit there was a part of me that didn't expect to hear from WriterBoy again, mainly because I wanted to make sure not to get my hopes up, but when he called me that evening to see how I was doing and how my day went, I was rather touched. And more than a little pleased. I was also pleased by his unexpected phone call the following Thursday evening, after CuteNerdBoy dropped me off after going to Pamie's show, wanting to get together with me for drinks on Friday after work.
Turns out dinner was had instead, followed by a little book shopping and "dessert" back at his place. He took me back home late Saturday morning, and I ended up having to rush to meet Mom, BabySis and YoungerSis to get wedding stuff done for BabySis, which was a good, if somewhat tiring, time.
So. I like this WriterBoy. He's a lot of fun to be with, very sweet, intelligent, cute in that slightly geeky way that I find so very appealing. He makes me feel desirable and is a generous lover.
One tiny hitch. (Isn't there always?) Last Friday (perhaps it was Saturday by that point), as we lay in his bed, his long skinny limbs entwined with my somewhat more solid ones, conversation wended this way and that, much of it goofy and silly. Until it turned a bit more serious and he let me know that, for various reasons (which he confided in me) he's just not in a place for a relationship at this time.
Huh.
Of course, I was, and am, disappointed. Not that I seriously imagined an immediate relationship springing up. I mean, I had only recently met the fella. Still, the knowledge that it's not a consideration for him is a bit of a bummer, especially considering how much I do want a relationship at this stage in my life.
But. After much thought over the next few days, I realized that I'm tired. Tired of the hard work that looking for a lasting relationship entails. Tired of holding out hope for CuteNerdBoy to open those sweet brown eyes of his and see what an awesome girlfriend I would be. I think, right now, maybe for the next month or so, until my 38th birthday ruthlessly springs on me, I just want to have fun.
WriterBoy did say that he very much enjoyed hanging out with me, so perhaps I gained a new friend in the deal. I certainly appreciate his honesty with me. And it's possible that tall, cute, smart, silly, honest, kinda skinny, bespectacled, somewhat geeky (in a good way), sexy screenwritin' WriterBoy could become a friend with "benefits" and provide the sexual fun that I feel I need in my life right now.
I would be amenable to that.
Actually I do know why. Even though I know I can trust CuteNerdBoy and I know I can be honest with him, every once in a while those idiot insecurities creep up and fear of what he'll think of me holds my tongue still. I want him to think highly of me and how can he do that if he knows everything about me? Which is patently silly, because he already knows pretty much all there is to know about me. That's what comes from being an open book.
But, even though I'm not still not entirely sure why I felt I owed it to him to tell him first before spilling it to the world, aside from the whole "telling close friends new and exciting things" deal, I finally mentioned it as part of an e-mail to him. And now I feel okay about writing about it here.
Funny thing is, while it's kind of a big deal, it's also kind of not.
So. I met a boy at a party. It was the joint birthday party for Summer'85Boy and PythonMan. This boy is smart and cute and goofy and tall. He talked to me most of the night, actually looked me in the eye with the occasional surreptitious glance at my lovely cleavage. We clicked, went to another party afterwards. And well, while I didn't expect to sleep at home that night, since I was planning on crashing at Sarriah's, let's just say I was in an unfamiliar room come the daylight hours.
I'll admit there was a part of me that didn't expect to hear from WriterBoy again, mainly because I wanted to make sure not to get my hopes up, but when he called me that evening to see how I was doing and how my day went, I was rather touched. And more than a little pleased. I was also pleased by his unexpected phone call the following Thursday evening, after CuteNerdBoy dropped me off after going to Pamie's show, wanting to get together with me for drinks on Friday after work.
Turns out dinner was had instead, followed by a little book shopping and "dessert" back at his place. He took me back home late Saturday morning, and I ended up having to rush to meet Mom, BabySis and YoungerSis to get wedding stuff done for BabySis, which was a good, if somewhat tiring, time.
So. I like this WriterBoy. He's a lot of fun to be with, very sweet, intelligent, cute in that slightly geeky way that I find so very appealing. He makes me feel desirable and is a generous lover.
One tiny hitch. (Isn't there always?) Last Friday (perhaps it was Saturday by that point), as we lay in his bed, his long skinny limbs entwined with my somewhat more solid ones, conversation wended this way and that, much of it goofy and silly. Until it turned a bit more serious and he let me know that, for various reasons (which he confided in me) he's just not in a place for a relationship at this time.
Huh.
Of course, I was, and am, disappointed. Not that I seriously imagined an immediate relationship springing up. I mean, I had only recently met the fella. Still, the knowledge that it's not a consideration for him is a bit of a bummer, especially considering how much I do want a relationship at this stage in my life.
But. After much thought over the next few days, I realized that I'm tired. Tired of the hard work that looking for a lasting relationship entails. Tired of holding out hope for CuteNerdBoy to open those sweet brown eyes of his and see what an awesome girlfriend I would be. I think, right now, maybe for the next month or so, until my 38th birthday ruthlessly springs on me, I just want to have fun.
WriterBoy did say that he very much enjoyed hanging out with me, so perhaps I gained a new friend in the deal. I certainly appreciate his honesty with me. And it's possible that tall, cute, smart, silly, honest, kinda skinny, bespectacled, somewhat geeky (in a good way), sexy screenwritin' WriterBoy could become a friend with "benefits" and provide the sexual fun that I feel I need in my life right now.
I would be amenable to that.
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