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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Musical Interlude... 

It's that I leap and then I look
At all the chances that I took
Feel the air, miss the catch
Then I have to swing back

My timing's all wrong
And the ladder is gone
And all I can do, is
Swing 'til it's all net below
All I can do, is
Swing 'til it's all net below
And I can let go

I am not faint of heart
But I get weak in the knees
I am tired for the world
For the wind in the trees

But we'll still find the song
Though the ladder is gone
It's all we can do, is
Swing 'til it's all net below
Swing 'til it's all net below
And we can let go

And I'll still look you in the eye
It's the longest goodbye
I'll feel the air, make the catch
But I won't swing back
My timing is clear
And I'll never fear

I'll swing 'til there's no net below
Yeah, I'll swing 'til there's no net below

No Net Below by Jonatha Brooke (from Back In the Circus)

Have I mentioned before how much I love Jonatha Brooke? I have? Well, too bad. It's my 'blog and I'll rave repeatedly if I want to. I love Jonatha Brooke.

It's pretty well-established that I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't know how attractive that is, but I do know it's more than a little messy. A result of this tendency is my ability to swing on an emotional trapeze until such time as I think it's best to let go. Unfortunately, I tend to let go of that trapeze when there is absolutely no net to catch me. I can't begin to count how many times I've gotten a concussion that way (metaphorical, of course). And I can't help but wonder if there isn't a better way.

In a recent e-mail I asked CuteNerdBoy a question which I felt only he was truly qualified to answer. The totality of his answer gave me heart, certainly made me feel better about a number of things, but there was a portion of the e-mail which brought both a smile to my face and a bit of sadness to my soul.

In that portion (and I paraphrase) he said that, though he knows that I lead with my heart, which tends to get battered and bruised as a result, he couldn't counsel me to do otherwise, since 1) it's who I am and the chances are slim I could change that part of myself and 2) despite the bruising I'd get a fuller ride out of life and that I owe it to myself to experience life to the fullest.

I know that he's right, and I can't imagine being any other way, but sometimes a gal gets tired of the bumps and bruises. Still, back on that trapeze I'll go, because it really is all I know these days and I just can't see me turning back into the terrified little girl I once was.

And I say I'm not adventurous. *snort*

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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