Monday, February 09, 2004


It was a most pleasant day. A trifle busy at first, but pleasant in the end.

Today (I mean Sunday) I rented a car (got an excellent deal - thanks, Advantage! And thanks to the driver that picked me up, cute Matt from Nigeria, who flirted with me at 9am, when I was still half asleep, unshowered and schleppy - there's an ego-booster!) because 1) I had a million things to do today - including shopping for heavy things, like cat litter and cat food - with only a few hours in which to do them and couldn't fathom using the bus and 2) I took CuteNerdBoy out for his birthday (which was really Saturday) and thought that it would be rather rude to make him drive around for his own birthday celebration. I actually managed to accomplish all of my errands (except for one that I forgot until I was getting ready to head out to the other end of the Valley - but that one can wait another week and I don't need a car for that one), so I felt really good, unlike yesterday when FFDWG(FKaSarah), NewYorkWriter (who is a member of my writing group) and I went to the Camarillo Outlet Stores and I was unable to purchase anything I set out to purchase (essential oils for CuteNerdBoy, lacing for a pair of jeans and a winter coat), instead buying jewelry (which I didn't need) and pretty bras (which I did need - my old standbys are giving up the ghost).

So after my myriad of errands today I showered, shaved, tried to style my hair with a hair dryer and everything (usually not a good idea - today was no exception, so I ended up using a skinny wire headband), dressed and headed out to CuteNerdBoy's place, to which I had never been. I picked him up and off we went to Venice for an excellent dinner at a restaurant that happened to be around the corner from my older brother's place, then a fun melodrama in Santa Monica, then coffee/dessert and back to his place. I hung out for a few minutes, being given a tour of the place (Oh, the space in that apartment! Especially the kitchen, dining area and his bedroom! What I wouldn't do to have a bedroom the size of his - well, there's not much I wouldn't do. And not much I wouldn't like to do in -- um, never mind. *fans self*) and talking with him and his brother. Then he walked me back to my car, mainly because he had left Mix CD #4 in the CD player, which I had given to him and we had been listening to whenever we were in the car. We parted with our old customary hugs and little kisses - which felt too good for words - and off I drove home, waving goodbye at him as he walked back to his apartment.

Those feelings from last week are still very much there. They ain't going away anytime soon. Many times throughout the night I'd look at him and feel a thrill pass through my body. As I drove home I thought about the night, thought about him, and shivered with desire. But I was able - strike that, I am able - to handle it better than last week. No tears, no depression, just left with a very pleasant feeling. Intensely frustrated, granted, but still very pleasant.

I still sort of think that spending a little time away from him at some point would probably be a good thing for me. Granted, there have been a couple of times where we hadn't hung out for about a month and that has managed to not dampen my feelings for him one whit. But it's so easy for me to misread his actions - or to get confused by his actions, which continue to convey mixed messages, whether consciously so or not - that occasionally stepping away from him in an effort rein in my emotions (which are only intensified by his presence) just might be of help. Not sure about the timing, since we have the BookCrossing meeting on Tuesday and he mentioned that MoulinRougeFan was definitely interested in doing the midnight showing of Moulin Rouge and, as I've mentioned, I'm powerless to resist the siren song of costume contests, so whenever they want to do that I am so there.

Guess I'll just have to play it by ear. Thank G-d I usually have a pretty good ear. I hope it serves me well.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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