Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Vegas Weekend, Part Deux... 

Vegas Weekend, Part Deux? Looks like the basics were already covered in Part 1, but, of course, there is so much more to relate. Not details, because this girl doesn't kiss and tell. Well, not too much, except to say that LiterateLawyerGuy hugs well, kisses well, and, um, does other things very well. While we showed some restraint, we did, shall we say, enjoy ourselves. Several times.

I am, of course, referring to my feelings. Because I? Am FeelingGirl. And those feelings that I tend to not express verbally, due to a certain amount of shyness that overcomes me when face to face with people - even people with whom I’ve been intimate, either physically or emotionally - I seem to have no problem writing about them, even in a public forum.

It really was a wonderful weekend. Not just because I was flown to Vegas for a first date and treated like a princess, though that certainly figures into it. Although I'm usually pretty confident about myself and my worthiness as a potential girlfriend, I've never thought I was the type of woman that men fly to new and fun places on a whim, just because they wanted to spend time with me. I'm just lil' ol' me - fun, sexy and intelligent, to be sure, but a simple girl with simple wants and needs.

So to be treated as if glamour ought to be a natural part of my life, to be on a first date in another state just because, why not? It's all very new to me. It's exciting. And maybe a little on the scary side. Because while I've had men talk big about all the things they want to do for me, very few have ever come through on those talks.

Until LiterateLawyerGuy.

But it's not just because of the flying to Vegas. While I was with him he was with me. He wanted to hear what I had to say. He wanted to know everything about me. He was bold about a lot of things, but he knew when to pull back, when not to press me. He respects me. And he made sure that I knew it wasn't just my body that he found attractive, it was my intelligence and humor. And while I've certainly attracted men before with all three of those attributes, it's been a long time since anyone has truly acted on that attraction. It's a nice feeling. And he definitely has geek cred - he loves Star Wars, likes Star Trek, used to know some programming languages many, many moons ago and has played role-playing games in the past. Including Dungeons and Dragons. (But shhh - don't tell him I told you.) I've always had a thing for geeks.

So it's been over a week since I've seen him. We've spoken on the phone a few times, but never as long as we've wanted. The same with IMing. Our schedules have been crazy. And I find I've been missing him. I've been missing his devilish smile, his laughter, his voice, his humor, his boldness, his warmth and, oddly enough, his constant quoting of books and plays and poetry. It was starting to get on my nerves a little, because while I like to quote literature, I rarely do so at length. But I even miss that from him. We've already seen each other's cranky sides (him with a room reservation mix-up and me with the obnoxious kids at the movie) and it's okay.

And I miss the way he held me, the way he touched me in Vegas, in our little weekend hideaway at the Aladdin.

He's told me that he misses me, too, and has been thinking about me. A lot.

He's just a very new, very lovely experience for me in so many ways. He's bolder than most of the men I've dated before. He's physically different, in that, though he's 5'10" (a good height for me - the same as the Ex and CuteNerdBoy), he's a big guy. I mean, I've been with big guys before, but there was always a previous emotional attachment that started before they gained weight or they were 6'4" and built like a linebacker. I tend to be attracted to tall, lanky guys who either have a somewhat nerdy, goofy or artistic look to them (on occasion, all three). And though my past boyfriends have run the gamut from 4'10" and in a wheelchair to the previously mentioned 6'4" linebacker type, and I've loved them all, that tall, dark-haired lanky, wire-rimmed glasses look grabs my attention almost every time.

LiterateLawyerGuy is different in that regard (though he does have wire-rimmed glasses - yea!) and it doesn't matter to me. For some reason that surprises me. And pleases me at the same time.

We've also been very honest with each other. We've thrown out our foibles, some of our pasts for the world to see and realized, hey, it's not so bad. He still likes me and I still like him. He knows all about CuteNerdBoy because he's read parts of this 'blog (he actually e-mailed me first through the 'blog, though he saw me on Match.com - he's a resourceful boy). He totally understands that I still have feelings for CuteNerdBoy and doesn't expect me to switch them off just because he and I have started dating. And he isn't presumptuous enough to expect exclusivity at this point. I told him the same thing, that of course I didn't expect him to be exclusive. His response? He tends to concentrate on one woman at a time. And I'm that woman.

So here I sit, thinking I'm probably crazy. Why? Because I miss LiterateLawyerBoy, feeling bereft if a day goes by without hearing from him in some fashion. But still hovering in the background are my feelings for CuteNerdBoy. There's a part of me that is reluctant to let go of those emotions, to completely shut the CuteNerdBoy Relationship Door, though I know that nothing will come of it. I suspect it's tough because he was the person that I wanted for a number of months, and I still do to a certain extent. I've finally admitted to myself that maybe, just maybe, I had fallen in love with the guy. Just a little, but enough for me to have difficulty shaking my feelings.

So maybe LiterateLawyerGuy is just the fellow to help me past those feelings. But then I realize that I don't want him to become ReboundGuy. He doesn't deserve that from me. He's too good for that. Then again, the last time such fears entered my mind, the prospective ReboundGuy became my longest, deepest relationship thus far. That might not be such a concern with me, after all.

On top of the LiterateLawyerGuy/CuteNerdBoy saga is my shameless flirtation with others. At the RockerChick's surprise birthday party on Sunday, what do I do? I hone in on the one single guy there, who happens to be cute and nice to boot, and flirt shamelessly with him, trying to distract him while we were playing pinball against each other (and when he was playing with others, too) by draping my cleavage across the top of the machine. Most of the time it worked.

(He wasn't the only one I did that with - the girlfriends and wives that were also playing were egging me on to distract their better halves - but SingleUPSBoy was my primary target. And he enjoyed being that target very much.)

But I've never been so uniformly shameless before. Maybe I'm just acting out after CuteNerdBoy's romantic rejection of me. Maybe I'm trying to prove that I'm desirable after all. Or maybe CuteNerdBoy's semi-joking naming of me "Harlot" (so named when I e-mailed him that I had gotten back from Vegas on a first date) wasn't so far off.

At any rate, I'm looking forward to seeing LiterateLawyerGuy again this weekend. FFDWG(FKaSarah) and I are throwing a joint holiday party on Saturday and LiterateLawyerGuy has said that he's going to make it, come hell or high water. He's going to be meeting a bunch of my friends for the first time. And he has promised me little sleep Saturday and a fun Sunday.

I can't wait.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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