Sunday, December 14, 2003
It's all so new...
...dating LiterateLawyerGuy.
I've mentioned that LiterateLawyerGuy is different that most of the men I've dated in the past, with his boldness, his humor, his grand gestures, his mixture of scholar and athlete (he's a rugby player), the directions that his high sex drive takes him and his size. Now I'm discovering that I have to adjust to other aspects of his life that I knew about, but have never had to deal with in a man I dated.
He may have an apartment in Santa Monica, but his primary residence is San Diego. It's not all that far, but it's not all that close either. In the past, if I've wanted to see a guy or he wanted to see me, all we had to do was say so and, usually within half an hour we were together. It was great. It was convenient. It was the way I've always thought things should be.
However, with LiterateLawyerGuy so far away, we have to make do with phone calls and IM messages and, because we're both so busy and our schedules have been kind of whacked, even those have been fewer and briefer than either of us has liked. Even when we made plans to get together yesterday before the party (I'll write more about that tomorrow), those plans were scrapped because of a work emergency and an emergency involving his ex-wife, which meant he had to watch his son as soon as he arrived in L.A. Which wasn't going to be for several hours because he still had to drive up from San Diego. The emergency was nothing medical or dire, thank heaven, but being a good daddy had to come first.
Which brings me to the second aspect I'm finding I have to adjust to: dating a single father. I have many nieces and nephews. I have friends with children. I totally understand his need to be there for his son. I love how his face lights up when his talks about him, how LLGSon is the apple of his eye. And I honestly believe that his son should come before a woman that he's just started dating. Then again, it would be easier to say that if that woman wasn't me.
Saturday night he came to the party after his ex picked up his son, looking dashing in black. We hung out at the party for a number of hours, until such a time as neither one of us could stand not ripping off each other's clothes any more. Then we stopped off at an all night diner near my place since we were both starving. Then back to my place, where we proceeded to do what we'd been wanting to do all night. This morning we watched the news about Saddam Hussein, then he told me that, instead of the long luxurious afternoon of being together that we had planned, he had to go and pick up his son. He was sorry and he felt bad for disappointing me, but he had to go and be a daddy.
He asked how I felt about that, about dating a single father who may not always be available. I admitted that I was disappointed. I didn't hide that at all. But I told him that I also understood. Because I did. And I still do completely understand. But, though I didn’t tell him this part, it was one of those times I almost wished I knew how to be a selfish bitch who insisted on getting her own way at all times. Because, no matter how much I understood, that's what I wanted.
Still, I know that if I’m selfish enough to refuse to date single fathers, that there’s a whole segment of men that I’m just cutting out, men who could be wonderful and nurturing. I think about how I’d like to have children of my own some day. What better way to find out whether a man would be a good father to them than to see how they are with the children they already have?
I’m not saying that that’s the direction things are going to take with LiterateLawyerGuy. It’s all way too soon to know, to seriously think about anything like that. But it is a consideration, nonetheless.
And, if I’d like to continue dating him, which I do, it’s something I have to deal with. Just as I have to deal with his physical distance. And the fact that several weeks may pass before I see him again. Granted, neither one of us wants that, but it’s something that may still happen. We’ll just have to work harder at keeping in touch via phone calls and IM messages.
I have the feeling that my life is about to get a whole lot more interesting with LiterateLawyerGuy in it. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.
And I think it just may be worth a few inconveniences.
I've mentioned that LiterateLawyerGuy is different that most of the men I've dated in the past, with his boldness, his humor, his grand gestures, his mixture of scholar and athlete (he's a rugby player), the directions that his high sex drive takes him and his size. Now I'm discovering that I have to adjust to other aspects of his life that I knew about, but have never had to deal with in a man I dated.
He may have an apartment in Santa Monica, but his primary residence is San Diego. It's not all that far, but it's not all that close either. In the past, if I've wanted to see a guy or he wanted to see me, all we had to do was say so and, usually within half an hour we were together. It was great. It was convenient. It was the way I've always thought things should be.
However, with LiterateLawyerGuy so far away, we have to make do with phone calls and IM messages and, because we're both so busy and our schedules have been kind of whacked, even those have been fewer and briefer than either of us has liked. Even when we made plans to get together yesterday before the party (I'll write more about that tomorrow), those plans were scrapped because of a work emergency and an emergency involving his ex-wife, which meant he had to watch his son as soon as he arrived in L.A. Which wasn't going to be for several hours because he still had to drive up from San Diego. The emergency was nothing medical or dire, thank heaven, but being a good daddy had to come first.
Which brings me to the second aspect I'm finding I have to adjust to: dating a single father. I have many nieces and nephews. I have friends with children. I totally understand his need to be there for his son. I love how his face lights up when his talks about him, how LLGSon is the apple of his eye. And I honestly believe that his son should come before a woman that he's just started dating. Then again, it would be easier to say that if that woman wasn't me.
Saturday night he came to the party after his ex picked up his son, looking dashing in black. We hung out at the party for a number of hours, until such a time as neither one of us could stand not ripping off each other's clothes any more. Then we stopped off at an all night diner near my place since we were both starving. Then back to my place, where we proceeded to do what we'd been wanting to do all night. This morning we watched the news about Saddam Hussein, then he told me that, instead of the long luxurious afternoon of being together that we had planned, he had to go and pick up his son. He was sorry and he felt bad for disappointing me, but he had to go and be a daddy.
He asked how I felt about that, about dating a single father who may not always be available. I admitted that I was disappointed. I didn't hide that at all. But I told him that I also understood. Because I did. And I still do completely understand. But, though I didn’t tell him this part, it was one of those times I almost wished I knew how to be a selfish bitch who insisted on getting her own way at all times. Because, no matter how much I understood, that's what I wanted.
Still, I know that if I’m selfish enough to refuse to date single fathers, that there’s a whole segment of men that I’m just cutting out, men who could be wonderful and nurturing. I think about how I’d like to have children of my own some day. What better way to find out whether a man would be a good father to them than to see how they are with the children they already have?
I’m not saying that that’s the direction things are going to take with LiterateLawyerGuy. It’s all way too soon to know, to seriously think about anything like that. But it is a consideration, nonetheless.
And, if I’d like to continue dating him, which I do, it’s something I have to deal with. Just as I have to deal with his physical distance. And the fact that several weeks may pass before I see him again. Granted, neither one of us wants that, but it’s something that may still happen. We’ll just have to work harder at keeping in touch via phone calls and IM messages.
I have the feeling that my life is about to get a whole lot more interesting with LiterateLawyerGuy in it. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.
And I think it just may be worth a few inconveniences.
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