Sunday, November 16, 2003

Angry and bitter... 

...table for two.

It's always so interesting going back to read my posts the day (or the week or the month) after I write them. Even with carefully chosen words the emotion comes through loud and clear.

Which is perfectly okay. After all, that's how I was feeling yesterday and it would be dishonest of me to pretend otherwise. Especially since I'm one of those people who believes it's best to own up to my "negative" emotions, at least to myself if no one else, to allow myself to feel them fully in order to purge them and move past them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

This time I think it pretty much worked. I'm feeling much better today. Oh, I'm not saying there aren't traces of anger and bitterness still circling around my heart. Of course there are. It'll be a little while before they disappear completely.

But it's a beautiful sunny day out today, which is welcome after all the rain L.A. received yesterday. I'm about to go off to work (which isn't so great, but I don't mind it too much) and CuteNerdBoy apologized for coming off so harsh, as he didn't mean to be. And for once in my life I didn't respond back, "Oh, it's okay." Because it wasn't. As I told him, I'm finally learning that I don't have to be agreeable all the time, that being so would be dishonest and wouldn't be fair to either one of us. But I told him that I did appreciate his honesty, even if it was a bit brickish. And I appreciated his e-mail.

I can't say we're back to Square One, because we're very much not. Our friendship has taken a new step down this strange road we're travelling, with the way maybe a bit clearer on my side.

Much as I didn't like it, and still don't, and I'm not entirely sure it was needed, maybe the brick finally dislodged a few firmly planted ideas. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

On to the future. And a new table.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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