Friday, October 17, 2003

Well, that was... 

... an experience.

Thursday was a long day for me. I was out of bed before 6am, checked my e-mail, showered, dressed, then took NeighborGuy's 1967 Mustang for a spin around the block.

(This is the neighbor that proposed to me while he was drunk so I wouldn't leave his party in the wee hours of the morning, because then he had to turn down the music - I can't find the entry I mentioned him in.)

Last night NeighborGuy was supremely cool in offering me the use of his extra car for a few days while I get the "car buying thing" straightened out. Considering that the classic Mustang is my dream car, I was pretty excited over his offer. And I took him up on it, since I had to return the rental car this morning.

So, after picking up my dry cleaning and going back home to change into the outfit I really wanted to wear today, I took the rental car back, waited way too long while they made sure everything was okay, and as one of the guys at the rental place and I left the building I tripped down some stairs, scraped up my knee and dirtied up the pants I had just picked up from the cleaner.

The rental car guy drove me home, I cleaned up and managed to get out all the dirt on my pants, then drove the Mustang to work. It took me a very long time, since I was unused to a car that old and heavy and I didn't want to take the freeway. I finally got to work almost 1 1/2 hours after leaving my house. I was an hour late. *sigh*

A day of tiring work ensued. But I was still in a pretty good mood until about noon, when I stumbled across something on the internet that got me a little down. And, try as hard as I could, I couldn't bring myself entirely up again. This colored the rest of my day. And, unfortunately, my evening.

Around 7pm CuteNerdBoy met me at work for movie and dinner. I drove us over, but my brain was having trouble thinking of something intelligent to say, not to mention the loud car engine wasn't condusive to easy conversation. We watched and enjoyed the movie, with FFDWG(FKaSarah) joining us, what with her also being my co-worker and all. Afterwards we walked to cars, FFDWG(FKaSarah) mentioning she hadn't eaten, so I invited her along with us. Which was fine. She was hungry, we were hungry, I like hanging out with her, it seemed only natural.


Again, for the life of me, intelligent conversation starters completely eluded me. I wasn't my usual lively self and I couldn't force myself to get there. Oh, there was still laughter to be had, some of it instigated by me, but sometimes coming up with something to say felt forced. FFDWG(FKaSarah) was lively and upbeat, talking easily, and I felt like a big ol' lump. And some of those awful little twingesdecided to make an appearance.

Factored into this was there were a number of times when I would open my mouth to say something, and, as happens all too frequently with me when around others, FFDWG(FKaSarah) would pipe in with something faster before I had a chance to get a word out. Which always causes me to shut down, especially when I'm not at my best.

After an hour CuteNerdBoy and I walked her to her car, then we went back to the Mustang and I drove him back to his van, with a little more conversation, this time about gaming. I walked him to the driver-side door, received the usual nice hug and peck on the lips, and off we both went to our respective homes, with me stopping off for gas and to use the restroom before finally getting home just before midnight.

Don't get me wrong It was a pleasant evening. I always enjoy spending time with CuteNerdBoy. But I'm just tired. I'm exhausted and confused and tired of not knowing what's up and what's down and sick of living inside my brain as much as I do. I'm tired of being so close to tears as often as I am these days, with just the littlest thing able to set me off. I'm exhausted thinking about what I have to do tomorrow before catching my 2pm flight for Tucson.

And I'm beginning to think I should never, ever schedule anything remotely date-like to coincide with the three days a month I'm on my period. 'Cause I'm sure the hormones ain't helping a whit.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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