Monday, October 27, 2003

Heidi ho, neighborinos... 

...I'm posting this from my handy dandy, lovely new (to me) computer. Whee!

I've still got to tweak a few settings, and the keyboard is taking a little getting used to (it's got a different feel than the old one and for some reason it feels like all the keys have shifted over a little to the left - don't ask me why) but it is ever so much nicer than the old computer. Faster, stronger, smarter. Not quite the Six Million Dollar Man of computers. But still nicer. Maybe it's closer to the Half Million Dollar Man of computers. With the old one being, oh, I don't know, the Five Hundred Dollar Man. And that may be generous.

CuteNerdBoy and I finally got our schedules synced so that he could come over and install the CD-RW drive and a few other things. He showed up on Sunday around 6pm, surprising me with five CDs (Another Disc #8, plus copies of Jonatha Brooke, Aimee Mann and Crowded House). We had some lovely lasagna, salad and garlic bread that I made to thank him for helping me out with the computer - all of which he professed to enjoy immensely, taking several helpings and wishing he had an extra stomach so that he could eat more.

During dinner, we were talking about the brush fires that have sprung up around the Southern California area. I had barely taken two bites of my food when he informed me that one of the fires burning in the same city where Mom and BabySis live. Having not seen or heard the news for nearly two days, this was news to me. I immediately got on the phone and spoke with BabySis and YoungerSis - who was in town to talk with my mom about everything that happened on Wednesday - and they said that so far they were fine, but they were packed to evacuate, just in case. Mom is also fine, since she lives closer to the center of town than BabySis does. I told them all to call me if there was any change. So far no calls, so I take that to be a good thing.

We finished dinner and CuteNerdBoy worked on this lovely computer (have I said yet that it's lovely? Because it is, you know) for a little over a couple of hours (I think - I sat around, keeping him company, chatting a little but not wanting to distract him too much), then we sat in the living room and had some of my chocolate mousse pie, which is very sweet and rich and totally vegan. He said he liked it a lot, but he didn't go for seconds. Well, it is a rich pie.

After the pie, we talked. About what, you ask? Well, aren't you just the nosy folks? But I'll tell you, because I love my readers that much.

We talked about the State of the Nation of Us. I brought it up, because, quite frankly, I was getting a little tired of trying to figure out what was going on in that CuteNerdBrain of his. And I just like to know exactly where I stand.

I won't go into details. That is between us and, as I've mentioned, he never signed on to have his life broadcast across the internet. But suffice it to say that those times where I thought he was showing more than a friendly interest in me? I wasn't wrong. However, right now he's not ready to go any further, with anyone, and he does value my friendship a great deal. Which was actually never a question in my mind, but it is nice to hear.

Another nice thing to hear? I admitted to him that there were a few times I considered seducing him. He said that there were a few times where I would have succeeded. But we both agreed that acting on wants like that isn't always the best thing, and could backfire. Which is the main reason I never seduced him. Though there were a number of moments tonight when I really, really wanted to just grab him and kiss him. Especially a moment when we were standing very near to each other, petting one of my cats. If I had looked up at him then, and he had looked down at me? I'm positive clothes would have been a-flying.

We also talked about a few other things between us that have never really been discussed and it was good to get those things out in the open. And it's nice to know that I'm not going crazy. Well, not about my perceptions regarding his feelings towards me, anyway.

We also talked about some of what was going on with my family (I gave him the Reader's Digest version) and a few other things, talking about more intimate stuff than we had in a long time. It was, again, nice (I need to come up with another word, but my brain is a little tired and overwhelmed right now). I felt really good about our talk.

At the end of the evening we shared a wonderful long hug, with a few cheek and lip and neck kisses (he said I smelled good, which is something I always love to hear - I'm such a friggin' girly-girl sometimes) and I sent him on his way home with leftover lasagna.

Am I a bit disappointed about his answer? Well, yeah. I'm very fond of him and I'm pretty sure that we'd make a great couple.

(Couple of what, Carol?

Shut up, Peanut Gallery.)

But I'm not about to shut him out of my life because he's not ready for something that I am. I do value him a great deal as a friend and a human being and I'd like to keep on knowing him.

Will I hang around for him, hoping he'll change his mind? Yes and no. Of course I hope he'll change his mind. He means a lot to me. But maybe it's time to start casting my eye elsewhere, to see what else, who else is out there.

A girl never knows what's around the corner unless she starts walking.

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Carol/Female/36-40. Lives in United States/California/Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley, speaks English. Spends 40% of daytime online. Uses a Normal (56k) connection.
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United States, California, Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley, English, Carol, Female, 36-40.

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