Sunday, September 21, 2003
Silly me...
There are three things about myself that I've long known, but always seem to forget:
This isn't to say that my feelings from Friday (and for most of yesterday) were "wrong" or "misplaced". I still believe they were perfectly valid. I just shouldn't anticipate what a day is going to be like on the basis of said feelings. I really need to just flow along with the day.
Yesterday's session with my therapist was emotional, as I anticipated, which is fine. She's used to that sort of thing from her patients. That's why she keeps boxes of tissue next to the couch. She's a very good therapist, understanding and calming, but blunt when it's needed. Which is why I like her. I lucked out, because she's the first therapist I've ever had. I don't see her every week, like I did at the beginning of the year, but, after a few months away due to some financial difficulties on my end, we seem to be settling into an every other week schedule, which is fine by me.
Then, after a couple of hours at work, I bussed to OlderBro's place (Therapist, work and OlderBro are all pretty close to one another) with all sorts of fairly heavy bags containing groceries and my usual traveling stuff and a present for Mom. I read my book while OlderBro and OBGirlfriend took care of a few things, then out we drove out to Ventura County to visit with Mom for a belated birthday celebration.
We joined Mom, BabySis, BSFiancé, and BSSon at Mom's apartment. And it was, for the most part, fun. The three younger ladies ribbed Mom about jumpstarting her love life (though I believe cruder terminology may have been used, even by your oh-so-delicate blogger - a-hem).
There was talk about BabySis's wedding next summer, where she showed OBGirlfriend and me the bridesmaid dress she chose. It's very pretty, perfect for a summer's day and I know I'll look lovely in it - thank heavens the three women for whom I have (and will be) a bridesmaid don't believe in making the bridal party looking hideous just to make them look even more beautiful - perhaps they realize that, no matter how great we look, we'll never outshine them.
We ate OBGirlfriend's chili and cornbread - though I had to eat store bought veggie chili because we forgot the vegan chili that OBGirlfriend had slow-cooked for four hours just for me (I promised to stop by their place after work this week to eat some - that made her feel better) - and a salad I put together at Mom's place. Raves were had for the chili and salad.
And I was relegated to washing dishes in the bathtub because the water from the kitchen sink was flowing into Mom's downstairs neighbor's place, bringing a bunch of gunk along with it. But I didn't mind because, though I was feeling better than I was even earlier in the day, I was still a little tender and sensitive and the time away from everyone gave me a breather.
After a while BSFiancé took BSSon home and the rest of us sat around, talking about more serious, family-related subjects, but even that wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Yummy homemade cake by BabySis was served, then Mom opened her present from me (she had already opened the others). It was a lovely silk scented pillow that said "Mom", a little sappy booklet with Mom sayings and - the main part of the present - a pretty journal with the lyrics to I Hope You Dance and words on the front page to inspire her to write. This was accompanied by a nice pen (with an angel on top - Mom likes angels) and a bookmark with an inspirational saying. I let her know that the journal was for her to write down whatever she wanted to write. That it was for her eyes only and, if she didn't want to write happy things or "positive" things, she didn't have to. That it was for her to be true to herself.
Everyone seemed to like that gift, including Mom. She immediately started writing in it, then she wanted to show me what she wrote. I knew it was about the party, and I did want to read it, but I refused. I told Mom that I was curious, naturally, but that anything she wrote in the journal was no one's eyes but hers and I wanted her to feel comfortable about the privacy of her written words. Then I hugged her and kissed her and told her that I loved her.
Around 11:30pm we took our leave of Mom, after much hugging and kissing and proclaimations of love. OlderBro and his girlfriend dropped BabySis off (she lives in the same town as Mom), then I was taken home. I dozed for most of the way, more tired than I realized. Then, after checking e-mail and giving the cats food so they wouldn't wake me up at 7am, I prompty fell asleep.
I woke up at around 11am this morning, feeling so much better than the last two days, and lolled about the house for a little while. I think I'll take a walk around the neighborhood today, because it's just so bright and beautiful out.
Yeah, sometimes life sucks. And the people you love and care about can be irritating as hell.
But it can also be good. And so can they.
- Though I tend to be an optimistic person, my anticipation of perceived unpleasant events tends to be worse than the actual event;
- When I'm tired, "negative" emotions are magnified threefold;
- Sometimes I just need to chill the hell out.
This isn't to say that my feelings from Friday (and for most of yesterday) were "wrong" or "misplaced". I still believe they were perfectly valid. I just shouldn't anticipate what a day is going to be like on the basis of said feelings. I really need to just flow along with the day.
Yesterday's session with my therapist was emotional, as I anticipated, which is fine. She's used to that sort of thing from her patients. That's why she keeps boxes of tissue next to the couch. She's a very good therapist, understanding and calming, but blunt when it's needed. Which is why I like her. I lucked out, because she's the first therapist I've ever had. I don't see her every week, like I did at the beginning of the year, but, after a few months away due to some financial difficulties on my end, we seem to be settling into an every other week schedule, which is fine by me.
Then, after a couple of hours at work, I bussed to OlderBro's place (Therapist, work and OlderBro are all pretty close to one another) with all sorts of fairly heavy bags containing groceries and my usual traveling stuff and a present for Mom. I read my book while OlderBro and OBGirlfriend took care of a few things, then out we drove out to Ventura County to visit with Mom for a belated birthday celebration.
We joined Mom, BabySis, BSFiancé, and BSSon at Mom's apartment. And it was, for the most part, fun. The three younger ladies ribbed Mom about jumpstarting her love life (though I believe cruder terminology may have been used, even by your oh-so-delicate blogger - a-hem).
There was talk about BabySis's wedding next summer, where she showed OBGirlfriend and me the bridesmaid dress she chose. It's very pretty, perfect for a summer's day and I know I'll look lovely in it - thank heavens the three women for whom I have (and will be) a bridesmaid don't believe in making the bridal party looking hideous just to make them look even more beautiful - perhaps they realize that, no matter how great we look, we'll never outshine them.
We ate OBGirlfriend's chili and cornbread - though I had to eat store bought veggie chili because we forgot the vegan chili that OBGirlfriend had slow-cooked for four hours just for me (I promised to stop by their place after work this week to eat some - that made her feel better) - and a salad I put together at Mom's place. Raves were had for the chili and salad.
And I was relegated to washing dishes in the bathtub because the water from the kitchen sink was flowing into Mom's downstairs neighbor's place, bringing a bunch of gunk along with it. But I didn't mind because, though I was feeling better than I was even earlier in the day, I was still a little tender and sensitive and the time away from everyone gave me a breather.
After a while BSFiancé took BSSon home and the rest of us sat around, talking about more serious, family-related subjects, but even that wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Yummy homemade cake by BabySis was served, then Mom opened her present from me (she had already opened the others). It was a lovely silk scented pillow that said "Mom", a little sappy booklet with Mom sayings and - the main part of the present - a pretty journal with the lyrics to I Hope You Dance and words on the front page to inspire her to write. This was accompanied by a nice pen (with an angel on top - Mom likes angels) and a bookmark with an inspirational saying. I let her know that the journal was for her to write down whatever she wanted to write. That it was for her eyes only and, if she didn't want to write happy things or "positive" things, she didn't have to. That it was for her to be true to herself.
Everyone seemed to like that gift, including Mom. She immediately started writing in it, then she wanted to show me what she wrote. I knew it was about the party, and I did want to read it, but I refused. I told Mom that I was curious, naturally, but that anything she wrote in the journal was no one's eyes but hers and I wanted her to feel comfortable about the privacy of her written words. Then I hugged her and kissed her and told her that I loved her.
Around 11:30pm we took our leave of Mom, after much hugging and kissing and proclaimations of love. OlderBro and his girlfriend dropped BabySis off (she lives in the same town as Mom), then I was taken home. I dozed for most of the way, more tired than I realized. Then, after checking e-mail and giving the cats food so they wouldn't wake me up at 7am, I prompty fell asleep.
I woke up at around 11am this morning, feeling so much better than the last two days, and lolled about the house for a little while. I think I'll take a walk around the neighborhood today, because it's just so bright and beautiful out.
Yeah, sometimes life sucks. And the people you love and care about can be irritating as hell.
But it can also be good. And so can they.
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