Thursday, August 14, 2003
Bone-weary...
How do you know when you're lacking in the sleep department? When you look in the mirror, noticing smudged eye make-up under your eyes. You try to wipe it away with a damp paper towel, but as you glance at the virgin white paper, you remember you haven't worn make up in a couple of days.
Yeah. I think I need sleep.
To borrow a phrase from Kymm, Jesus wept, I'm tired. Not the "I'm going to drop from lack of sleep" kind of tired. I think I passed that yesterday. No, it's the bone-weary kind of tired where, yes you can walk without tripping over your own feet, but the world around you is moving at a sort of triple pace. You have moments where you think you've caught your second wind, you're okay, even jogging down one flight of stairs at work, but that burst of energy is gone in an instant and your arms feel weighted down with sand bags. Gravity makes smiling way too difficult, so you look like you're very sad because every muscle in your face is drooping. But you're not sad, because even emotion takes too much energy. And, if for one second you make the mistake of closing your eyes, just for the briefest millisecond, you feel sleep rushing up around you, you feel as if you're floating, almost giddy and, for half a second, you welcome sinking into the black void that's embracing you, before you remember you're on the bus or at work or walking down the hall.
I got some rest on Sunday, after the baseball game, but that wasn't enough to make up for the previous three weeks. Monday night I spent with an emergency load of laundry and straightening around the house until one in the morning, though I was up by 4:30 am on Tuesday. Tuesday evening was a fun book meeting and lovely dinner and coffee date, all with CuteNerdBoy, which ended early enough for me to get a good amount of sleep, but my brain just wouldn't shut up enough to let me drift off. Asleep at nearly 2 am and awake at 6 am. And last night was a rather frustrating dinner with my friend, WestHollywoodBoy, which we didn't even eat until close to 10:30 pm due to buses and phone conversations that lasted way too long until I threatened to just take the bus home if he didn't get off the damned phone and bad service at the Jerry's Deli near the Beverly Center, which is never a good idea when you have two tired, cranky people at your table. Luckily my very deliberately dropped menu seem to get attention, otherwise I would have had to grab someone, anyone, and dragged them to our table. It wouldn't have mattered if it was a customer or not. I was hungry and tired and I wanted food. I wanted comfort food late at night and by G-d, I got my veggie melt with avocado and onion rings, healthy eating be damned. So I didn't actually enter my home (my friend drove me home, of course) until 1 am. Sleep graced my bed at about 1:30 am, but I was out of bed again at 6am.
Thank heaven Linda canceled our plans for tonight. I would have liked to see her tonight, but I swear, I'm going to bed as soon as I post this entry.
No, I don't know why I'm writing instead of sleeping. Even if I weren't sleeping I could be exercising, because I haven't really worked out in the last two weeks. I have gotten daily exercise, with the walking and the running for the bus and the stair climbing, but no real workout, because I've been leaving too early in the morning and getting home too late. I could be washing my dishes, which really, really has to be done. And if I just had to write, well, I could work on my novels or some short stories I've begun. But I've been bitten by the 'blogging bug. I probably need help. Especially since my tiredness seems to have exhausted my funny bone. Damn, three days in a row with very little humor in my entries. Maybe I need to step away from the keyboard.
Rather than trying to puzzle it out now, I think I'll just sleep on it. Hopefully I'll have an answer in the morning.
Yeah. I think I need sleep.
To borrow a phrase from Kymm, Jesus wept, I'm tired. Not the "I'm going to drop from lack of sleep" kind of tired. I think I passed that yesterday. No, it's the bone-weary kind of tired where, yes you can walk without tripping over your own feet, but the world around you is moving at a sort of triple pace. You have moments where you think you've caught your second wind, you're okay, even jogging down one flight of stairs at work, but that burst of energy is gone in an instant and your arms feel weighted down with sand bags. Gravity makes smiling way too difficult, so you look like you're very sad because every muscle in your face is drooping. But you're not sad, because even emotion takes too much energy. And, if for one second you make the mistake of closing your eyes, just for the briefest millisecond, you feel sleep rushing up around you, you feel as if you're floating, almost giddy and, for half a second, you welcome sinking into the black void that's embracing you, before you remember you're on the bus or at work or walking down the hall.
I got some rest on Sunday, after the baseball game, but that wasn't enough to make up for the previous three weeks. Monday night I spent with an emergency load of laundry and straightening around the house until one in the morning, though I was up by 4:30 am on Tuesday. Tuesday evening was a fun book meeting and lovely dinner and coffee date, all with CuteNerdBoy, which ended early enough for me to get a good amount of sleep, but my brain just wouldn't shut up enough to let me drift off. Asleep at nearly 2 am and awake at 6 am. And last night was a rather frustrating dinner with my friend, WestHollywoodBoy, which we didn't even eat until close to 10:30 pm due to buses and phone conversations that lasted way too long until I threatened to just take the bus home if he didn't get off the damned phone and bad service at the Jerry's Deli near the Beverly Center, which is never a good idea when you have two tired, cranky people at your table. Luckily my very deliberately dropped menu seem to get attention, otherwise I would have had to grab someone, anyone, and dragged them to our table. It wouldn't have mattered if it was a customer or not. I was hungry and tired and I wanted food. I wanted comfort food late at night and by G-d, I got my veggie melt with avocado and onion rings, healthy eating be damned. So I didn't actually enter my home (my friend drove me home, of course) until 1 am. Sleep graced my bed at about 1:30 am, but I was out of bed again at 6am.
Thank heaven Linda canceled our plans for tonight. I would have liked to see her tonight, but I swear, I'm going to bed as soon as I post this entry.
No, I don't know why I'm writing instead of sleeping. Even if I weren't sleeping I could be exercising, because I haven't really worked out in the last two weeks. I have gotten daily exercise, with the walking and the running for the bus and the stair climbing, but no real workout, because I've been leaving too early in the morning and getting home too late. I could be washing my dishes, which really, really has to be done. And if I just had to write, well, I could work on my novels or some short stories I've begun. But I've been bitten by the 'blogging bug. I probably need help. Especially since my tiredness seems to have exhausted my funny bone. Damn, three days in a row with very little humor in my entries. Maybe I need to step away from the keyboard.
Rather than trying to puzzle it out now, I think I'll just sleep on it. Hopefully I'll have an answer in the morning.
Comments:
Post a Comment
Registered!
This is my blogchalk:
United States, California, Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley, English, Carol, Female, 36-40.
