Wednesday, August 20, 2003
And now, for something happier...
I'm feeing a bit better today, thank heavens. As I said, just a bit of doldrums, though that doesn't negate the truth behind yesterday's post.
But I'd rather talk about something that was said last week, almost off the cuff, it seemed, that made my ocassionally shaky self-esteem soar when I heard it and has just made me feel really good about both myself and the person who said it. Perhaps that's why, after yesterday's slam, I've been going back to the statement today.
As I briefly mentioned before, last Tuesday evening I went to a monthly book club meeting with CuteNerdBoy. It was for an organization called BookCrossing. The idea behind the club? To release books into the wild, where they are picked up, read and passed on. I think it's a fabulous idea and I'm very happy that CuteNerdBoy introduced me to the concept and invited me to this month's meeting.
There were six people total that showed up to the meeting and, at first, CuteNerdBoy was the only one that had attended previous meetings and was familiar with the site and the reason behind the club. As a consequence, he had to explain what BookCrossing was all about, as it seemed that the organizer never arrived. (He actually had to explain it a second time when the fifth person showed up later - luckily the sixth person, though she had never been to a meeting before, had been releasing books into the wild for several months.) While I can't say he was exactly holding court, it was very cute to see him talking about the organization and enthusiastic about the books he'd read and drawing the others out.
I was a bit on the quiet side, because that's the way I felt that night and I do tend to be quiet if I meet new people and I'm not the organizer of the event. It's that cursed shyness. Well, that and because a few times I did start to say something but someone would steamroll over me before I could get two words out. That tends to happen to me quite often and it's something I'm never happy about, but really, what could I say? I will point out that CuteNerdBoy was never the steamroller. He's a pretty good listener.
So, at one point we were talking about our reading habits. I mentioned that I've been devouring books lately. Then I said rather quickly, alomst nervously, my eyes darting between the two people sitting opposite me, "If I'm not reading, then I'm writing or I'm reading about writing or I'm writing about reading or -"
Next to me I hear CuteNerdBoy pipe up,"She's a writer."
I stopped, stunned at what I had heard. I think I just looked at him for a moment. The conversation continued to flow around me and, after awhile I joined it again, but, over the course of the night that simply made statement kept returning to my mind.
"She's a writer."
See, while I've been fortunate enough to garner support for my creative efforts from friends and family, I've never really had someone say of me, "She's an actress, she's an artist, she's a writer." Even my last boyfriend, FG, an aspiring actor/writer whom I loved and had lived with for over three years back in the early-mid 90s, who definitely supported my creative impulses, had never referred to me as a writer or an actress or an artist, all of which I did in some way during the time we were together.
And here, in a coffee shop in Studio City, talking with people who had been strangers up until that evening, CuteNerdBoy said of me, "She's a writer." No hesitation. No doubt. As if it were a statement of fact. And it stunned me into silence.
I wondered how he could be sure, so confident. He has read the article that I mentioned was published on LAPC and said it was well done, but I don't think he's read anything else of mine (unless he had Googled me and found something that might be hanging out there - which is possible considering I've been doing the internet thing since late '97 - I should Google myself and see what pops up).
I've actually developed a theory as to why FG couldn't show me that support and CuteNerdBoy did. Despite being a good actor, during the time we were together FG didn't really follow his dreams, though I did everything I could think of to encourage him. By the time we broke up he was not where he wanted to be in life and, I think, not really confident about his own abilities, despite me telling him to do what he felt he needed to in order to achieve his desire, as well as encouraging him to study music, as he had an excellent singing voice and a definite musical knack whenever he sat down in front of a piano.
Still, with no confidence of his own, it would be difficult to impart confidence to others, especially when it's in the same fields he's attempting to break into. Not that it was a concious thing on his part. I'm positive that it wasn't. Still, the end result is the same.
With CuteNerdBoy, it's different. He has also acted, but he's gone after it and had success with it, appearing in sitcoms and feature films and TV anthology stories and commercials back in the mid- to late 80s and early to mid-90s. He put aside the acting for a while to concentrate on his consulting business, which is doing well. So he's been successful in two different fields and most likely has enough confidence in himself that he doesn't have to be stingy about it, can afford to spread it around. And that one bit of writing of mine that he has read was apparently enough to convince him that, yes, I am a writer. Period. End of story.
I don't think I have to spell out how great that feels. How contagious that sort of confidence is. And how sexy that confidence is in another.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go submit some stories right now. And build up my own confidence so I can be sexy too.
But I'd rather talk about something that was said last week, almost off the cuff, it seemed, that made my ocassionally shaky self-esteem soar when I heard it and has just made me feel really good about both myself and the person who said it. Perhaps that's why, after yesterday's slam, I've been going back to the statement today.
As I briefly mentioned before, last Tuesday evening I went to a monthly book club meeting with CuteNerdBoy. It was for an organization called BookCrossing. The idea behind the club? To release books into the wild, where they are picked up, read and passed on. I think it's a fabulous idea and I'm very happy that CuteNerdBoy introduced me to the concept and invited me to this month's meeting.
There were six people total that showed up to the meeting and, at first, CuteNerdBoy was the only one that had attended previous meetings and was familiar with the site and the reason behind the club. As a consequence, he had to explain what BookCrossing was all about, as it seemed that the organizer never arrived. (He actually had to explain it a second time when the fifth person showed up later - luckily the sixth person, though she had never been to a meeting before, had been releasing books into the wild for several months.) While I can't say he was exactly holding court, it was very cute to see him talking about the organization and enthusiastic about the books he'd read and drawing the others out.
I was a bit on the quiet side, because that's the way I felt that night and I do tend to be quiet if I meet new people and I'm not the organizer of the event. It's that cursed shyness. Well, that and because a few times I did start to say something but someone would steamroll over me before I could get two words out. That tends to happen to me quite often and it's something I'm never happy about, but really, what could I say? I will point out that CuteNerdBoy was never the steamroller. He's a pretty good listener.
So, at one point we were talking about our reading habits. I mentioned that I've been devouring books lately. Then I said rather quickly, alomst nervously, my eyes darting between the two people sitting opposite me, "If I'm not reading, then I'm writing or I'm reading about writing or I'm writing about reading or -"
Next to me I hear CuteNerdBoy pipe up,"She's a writer."
I stopped, stunned at what I had heard. I think I just looked at him for a moment. The conversation continued to flow around me and, after awhile I joined it again, but, over the course of the night that simply made statement kept returning to my mind.
"She's a writer."
See, while I've been fortunate enough to garner support for my creative efforts from friends and family, I've never really had someone say of me, "She's an actress, she's an artist, she's a writer." Even my last boyfriend, FG, an aspiring actor/writer whom I loved and had lived with for over three years back in the early-mid 90s, who definitely supported my creative impulses, had never referred to me as a writer or an actress or an artist, all of which I did in some way during the time we were together.
And here, in a coffee shop in Studio City, talking with people who had been strangers up until that evening, CuteNerdBoy said of me, "She's a writer." No hesitation. No doubt. As if it were a statement of fact. And it stunned me into silence.
I wondered how he could be sure, so confident. He has read the article that I mentioned was published on LAPC and said it was well done, but I don't think he's read anything else of mine (unless he had Googled me and found something that might be hanging out there - which is possible considering I've been doing the internet thing since late '97 - I should Google myself and see what pops up).
I've actually developed a theory as to why FG couldn't show me that support and CuteNerdBoy did. Despite being a good actor, during the time we were together FG didn't really follow his dreams, though I did everything I could think of to encourage him. By the time we broke up he was not where he wanted to be in life and, I think, not really confident about his own abilities, despite me telling him to do what he felt he needed to in order to achieve his desire, as well as encouraging him to study music, as he had an excellent singing voice and a definite musical knack whenever he sat down in front of a piano.
Still, with no confidence of his own, it would be difficult to impart confidence to others, especially when it's in the same fields he's attempting to break into. Not that it was a concious thing on his part. I'm positive that it wasn't. Still, the end result is the same.
With CuteNerdBoy, it's different. He has also acted, but he's gone after it and had success with it, appearing in sitcoms and feature films and TV anthology stories and commercials back in the mid- to late 80s and early to mid-90s. He put aside the acting for a while to concentrate on his consulting business, which is doing well. So he's been successful in two different fields and most likely has enough confidence in himself that he doesn't have to be stingy about it, can afford to spread it around. And that one bit of writing of mine that he has read was apparently enough to convince him that, yes, I am a writer. Period. End of story.
I don't think I have to spell out how great that feels. How contagious that sort of confidence is. And how sexy that confidence is in another.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go submit some stories right now. And build up my own confidence so I can be sexy too.
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